Wizard People, Dear Reader, released in 2004, is an unauthorized alternative soundtrack to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, written by Brad Neely, a comic book artist from Fort Smith, Arkansas.

Wizard People, Dear Reader is a narrative retelling of the lives of the characters of The Philosopher's Stone and the world in which they live. Presented in the form of a thirty-five chapter audiobook, this soundtrack is intended to replace the film's audio track.

Brad Neely, in an interview with Chief magazine, described the beginning of the idea as follows:

Anyway, we were at a bar and were getting a good laugh at a guy who was playing pool all by himself while wearing a hoody over his hat, sunglasses under that and headphones on the outside of all of it. So we started riffing on "What could he possibly be listening to?". Someone who I don't think was me said that he was listening to a book on tape of Harry Potter. And out came the Wizard People narrator. I joked that night that I was going to rush home and record an entire misinformed book on tape of The Sorcerer's Stone, because I had not and have not ever read any Harry Potter books. Once I started making notes for it I realized that an audio track alone could get boring, so I decided to sync it with the movie. Then I took a week or two and made the damn thing. I love it.

In 2004, the New York Underground Film Festival rented a print of the film from Warner Bros., screened it with the sound off, and played Neely's soundtrack instead. Shortly thereafter, website Illegal Art made Neely's work available for free download. In the following year, Neely also performed Wizard People live in several cities, until Warner Bros. took action against theatres that had rented prints, and forced them to cancel the shows. Rather than taking legal action, however, Warner Bros. reportedly told theaters which had scheduled a performance of the show that further movies produced by the studio would be withheld unless the dates were cancelled. Carrie McLaren, whose website Illegal-art.net promoted the work, claimed that Neely's use of appropriated plot, characters and themes interlaced with humor constituted a separate work of art in its own right.

In Wizard People, Dear Reader, Neely's writing ranges from simple childish mockery, to criticism of the acting and set design, to awkward metaphors, to over-dramatic philosophical speeches. Harry himself is repeatedly referred to as a god, references are made to the "stockpiles of nuclear-level energy" that are his powers, and so on. At one point, Harry calls himself a "beautiful animal" and a "destroyer of worlds". He also repeatedly affirms that he is "Harry fucking Potter". Numerous references are made to characters taking out unseen flasks or drinking alcohol, and Harry is mentioned as being "drunk every day before noon."

Hermione ("Harmony") is repeatedly described as incredibly ugly, Snape ("Snake") is referred to as a hideous woman, and at one point, Neely simply remarks that "Ron loves Twizzlers." (Ron is almost always referred to as "Ronnie the Bear.") A range of other insults see less consistent use, and Harry is also described with various symptoms of dissociative identity disorder, at one point "leaving his multiple personalities in the locker room." The use of spells receives similar twists, with Dumbledore ("Near-Dead Dumbledore") casting the "stand without effort" spell due to his advanced age, while Harry casts the "rarely used winter-begone spell" at a scene transition between winter and spring.

The work makes extensive use of simile: Professor McGonagall ("Hardcastle McCormick") is described as having a voice that is "chilling, like a piano made of frozen Windex," while her "eyes float like smears of fish-scales on her candle-wax stump of a head"; the face of Voldemort ("Val-Mart") "moves like a marmalade baby just out of the womb."