James Acaster: Repertoire

James Acaster: Repertoire is a serialised stand-up comedy special by British comedian James Acaster. All four parts were released on Netflix in 2018. Repertoire was followed by Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999 (2020).

Acaster begins the show by talking about audience placement at a comedy show. Then he discusses his love of loopholes, gives examples of the loopholes he exploits, and tells an anecdote about how he was wronged by a loophole regarding free bananas so he got revenge by starting a banana store that exclusively sells bananas. Acaster changes the subject to childhood and says that he wanted to be an undercover cop as a child, so he told grown ups that he wanted to be a drug dealer. He explains that he started his career as a standup comedian to infiltrate a drug gang that operates backstage on comedy shows. Acaster talks about some of the troubles that one faces in gang life, the problems with conga lines, the connecting fabric between oven gloves, and unbreaking the ice at the end of a conversation.

Acaster laments that his wife left him on National Fondue Day. He talks about his drinking habits and ponders the nature of Dr. Pepper. He also talks about his love for mathematics and how squares can be used to close a cardboard box. To cope with his divorce, he started a podcast using the audio from the wire he wore while talking to the drug gang, and he plays the podcast for the audience. He talks about the one year anniversary of his divorce, when he drove to the beach to put his head in pictures you put your head in. He admits that he's been undercover so long that he doesn't know who he is anymore.

Acaster contemplates the origin of the universe in a voiceover. After walking on stage, he engages in celebrity gossip about the Chilean miners. Then he talks about his experience with jury duty. He explains that it came right after he had to move because he had shouted his postcode at a rival gang. Acaster talks about his cinema experience and how he disrupted The Theory of Everything with harsh truth fortune cookies. Then he talks about his night out with the jury, including one juror that's a hype man for a log flume. Acaster also talks about the nighttime routine of shouting "no more jobs" and being ambushed by a spouse wanting a massage.

Acaster describes the people from the jury and tells The Fable of the Goose and the Sloth. He talks about his Christmas with the jury, where they had Secret Santa and a Christingle service. He says that this event brought back his uncertainty from when he was a young Christian boy. As a result, he started playing devil's advocate and saying no pun intended during jury deliberations. Acaster talks about further trouble on the day of the verdict, when he had scheduled a dentist appointment and struggled with the questionnaire. He becomes increasingly agitated and begins making a mess of the stage as he talks about the existential dread that this dentist appointment caused him. Finally, Acaster reenacts a Christingle service.

Acaster cleans up the stage and acknowledges that this crowd is the exact combination of spectators that he'd been hoping for. He examines the situation of wells in Kenya versus the United Kingdom and the phrase "he or she". Then he describes his honey business where every few days he would sell the same five jars of honey to the store and then buy them for a lower price, and he explains that he snitched on his employees so now he's in witness protection. He performs a number entitled "The Dos and Don'ts of Passport Photography", and he thinks about where he wants to move. He considers Pisa despite how people pose with the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and he considers New Zealand because they say "boil the jug". Then he tells the story of when the ancestors of modern Brits stole artifacts and put them in a museum. This gets him upset about museum rubbers.

Acaster admits he makes mistakes, such as choosing the right string to open his blinds, and he compares this to the day of the Brexit referendum. His friend had offered to make him a cup of tea but wanted to know if the bag should be left in, improving the cup of tea, or if they should take the bag out, causing it to go directly into the bin. Acaster tells everyone he's going to Loughborough for witness protection where he'll be a lollipop person, as this is a position exclusively for people in witness protection. Then he talks about the term spag bol and how it reflects on the British, and he talks about the kitchen mirror that's handed down in his family. He tells the story of an audience member that's sad because he wanted to move Kenya but stayed in Britain to do stand-up comedy, and finally he ends the segment by playing Auld Lang Syne on a Stylophone.

Acaster walks on-stage mid-monologue, talking about how he answers the phone and his dream of being one of the calls monitored for training. He contemplates lip skin, and then he makes a series of bread jokes that he calls his bread research, which segues to pancakes, crepes, and Shrove Tuesday. Acaster brings up his past, saying that he wanted to start an ice cream van where customers get free refills but he drives away before they can be redeemed. Then he talks about his time as a lollipop man with his friends that had to change their names. He explains that he used to live in Kettering, and he performs his own remix of The Kettering Town F.C. Song.