Jay's Journal

Jay's Journal is a 1979 book that was published in a diary format. The book is presented as an autobiographical account of a depressed teenage boy who becomes involved with a Satanic group. After participating in several occult rituals, Jay believes he is being haunted by a demon named "Raul." The book was edited and written by Beatrice Sparks, and is based partly on the life of 16-year-old Alden Barrett from Pleasant Grove, Utah, who died by suicide in 1971. Critics allege Sparks misrepresented Barrett's life and experiences.

In the mid-to-late 1970s, Jay is a religious, depressed teenager who begins a journal after being persuaded by his Sunday School teachers. Jay nicknames his diary Judas and begins writing poetry venting his feelings about conformity, and discusses his parents, whom he frequently gets in trouble with. He is friends with two boys named Brad and Dell, whom he frequently discusses in his entries.

Jay falls in love with a girl named Debbie Dale, and begins writing odes to her in his journal. Brad and Dell discourage his crush on Debbie, though, because she is known to have dated a lot of boys. Regardless, his crush becomes gradually more intense, to the point where Jay copes with marijuana when Debbie goes to Phoenix with her parents for her birthday.

For his fifteenth birthday, Jay's dad gives him a job at a pharmacy he works at. When Debbie returns from Phoenix, Jay begins a relationship with her and his infatuation grows. Debbie begins to ask him to lend her amphetamines from the pharmacy that he works at, and makes him cover up the theft by filling the capsules with powdered milk. Although feeling guilty about what he does, Jay is far too infatuated with Debbie to refuse, so he ignores his guilt and does so.

Jay's guilt begins to worsen when he imagines scenarios of people being given the false, ineffective capsules to help their intense pain. He especially feels guilty after hearing about his Aunt Laurel being in intense pain from cancer, to the point where she was "crying and begging him [Jay's dad] to give her something and make her die." His feelings towards Debbie become conflicted, and he tries to maintain his love for her.

Jay is caught stealing drugs by his dad, who angrily fires him on the spot. The pharmacy begins to get into legal trouble, and Jay's dad calls the police and has Jay sent to a juvenile detention center. Jay, who is still writing in his journal, expresses regret over his crimes and reminisces about life with Brad and Dell. He is delighted by the frequent letters that Debbie sends, but then Debbie stops writing to him and they break up, leaving Jay distraught.

Jay eventually meets Pete, who appears different to him. Pete introduces him to matters relating to the occult. In further detail, Jay writes,

Pete's into Astara and all forms of the occult. It's so far out it shatters my wavelengths. He talks so easily about intuition, meditation, ESP, auras, life after death, the oversoul, how much karma a person must erase before they are liberated, how they can better influence the world in the new age, how they can recognize their soul mate, mysticism, esoteric science, hidden teachings of the ancients, the equations of life, etc.