No Chris Left Behind

"No Chris Left Behind" is the 16th episode of the fifth season of the animated comedy series Family Guy. It originally aired on Fox in the United States on May 6, 2007. The episode sees Chris get expelled from James Woods High School for dragging down their test scores. He is forced to attend an upper-class academy that does not take kindly to Chris's economically middle-class and socially lower-class upbringing. In an effort to fit in, he decides to join the academy's Skull and Bones society, but he quickly finds participation in its activities to be too demanding.

The episode was written by Patrick Meighan and directed by Pete Michels. It received praise from critics for its storyline and many cultural references, in addition to receiving an Emmy Award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Animation. According to Nielsen ratings, it was viewed in 7.95 million homes in its original airing. The episode featured guest performances by Gary Cole, Neil Patrick Harris, Phil LaMarr, Josh Radnor and Tara Strong, along with several recurring guest voice actors for the series.

Seeking to spend time with her family, Lois decides to take them out to the ballet Swan Lake, on a late school night, much to the family's dismay. The next morning, Chris is seen studying at the breakfast table for an upcoming exam at school. After first being told not to study at the table by Lois, Brian notices that Chris' history textbook is hopelessly out of date. Upset by this, Lois goes to a PTA meeting to complain about the textbook. Responding to her grievances, Principal Shepherd explains that the school cannot afford new textbooks due to the school's loss of federal funding under the No Child Left Behind Act as a result of their low test scores. Forced to make a decision on how to improve the scores and the school's overall performance, Principal Shepherd decides to expel the school's "dumbest" student, Chris Griffin.

While talking about Chris' situation with Lois, Peter is suddenly confronted by the Giant Chicken. This is the third fight between the two. Their epic battle ranges from the Griffin house, through the sewers, onto a subway train, over the girders of a high-rise construction site, and then up into a biplane, crashing into a giant Ferris wheel, which is dislodged from its platform and rolls through the streets. The fight continues atop the rolling wheel until it demolishes a ten-story apartment building. Emerging from the wreckage, Peter and the Chicken realize that neither has any idea what they were fighting about. They apologize to each other, and the Chicken invites Peter to join him and his wife, Nicole, for dinner. At the restaurant, the three have just finished a lovely meal when the check arrives, and both Peter and the Chicken (named Ernie) insist on paying the tab—Peter insists on paying since his order was kind of expensive while Ernie insists on paying as a way of apologizing to Peter. As they face off, the fight resumes and leads them into the restaurant kitchen. Peter subdues Ernie with a pot of boiling water and beats him unconscious. Peter staggers home, and back in the kitchen, Ernie lies lifeless on the floor, but in a sudden close-up, Ernie's left eye opens as dramatic music plays, foreshadowing another chicken fight. Peter goes home and resumes his conversation with Lois.

After several failed attempts to find another school for Chris, Lois asks her father, Carter Pewterschmidt, to utilize his superior influence to get Chris admitted to the upper-class Morningwood Academy, which he agrees to on the condition that Peter humiliate himself by starring in a shot-by-shot remake of Liar Liar, and eventually succeeds in doing so. At his new school, Chris is shunned by the wealthy students at the academy, being both verbally and physically assaulted, including being hit with socks full of paper money. After hearing this, Lois again turns to her father to help Chris, by inviting him to become a member of the Skull and Bones society with the other students, who eventually come to accept him.

Meanwhile, the family have all begun to take extra jobs to pay for Chris' tuition; Peter sells butt scratchers at the ballpark, Lois and Meg begin working as prostitutes, and Stewie decides to follow overweight park-goers, while playing the tuba, making them fall and charge them US$60. As this is happening, Chris starts to feel uncomfortable with his membership at the Skull and Bones, especially after one of their activities involves teasing an orphan they had pretended to adopt, and an initiation where each new young member has to play "7 minutes in heaven" in a closet with the club's pedophile eldest member, Herbert. Feeling his family should not go through so much trouble to keep him satisfied, Chris asks Carter to help him get back into his old school. Carter complies with his request, Chris moves back home, and returns to James Woods High School. At the end of the episode, Stewie plays the tuba for Chris, making him fall.

The episode was written by series regular Patrick Meighan, in his second episode for the season, the first being "Road to Rupert", and directed by former Rugrats and Rocko's Modern Life director Pete Michels, also in his second episode for the season, the first being "Chick Cancer", before the conclusion of the fifth production season.

Some scenes that have been changed between the TV version and the Cartoon Network/DVD version include: the scene in which the family finds out how bad James Woods High is after Chris reveals that his history textbook is outdated (on the TV version, the textbook was originally from 1948 and included a chapter on Israel becoming a new country. On the Cartoon Network/DVD version, the textbook is from 1896 and includes a chapter called, "Negroes: America's Dancin'est Rapefolk," and Lois commenting in disgust about how no one uses the word "Negro" anymore) and the cutaway scene of Chris firing Rocky from punching the meat hanging in the freezers of the butcher shop (with Rocky pointing out that Pauly is having sex with one of the meat cuts).