Sibling rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood-related or not.

In childhood, siblings generally spend more time together than they do with parents. Sibling bonds are influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, people and experiences outside the family. Sibling rivalry is more prominent when children are close in age and of the same gender and/or where one or multiple children are intellectually gifted.

According to observational studies by Judith Dunn, children are sensitive to differences in parental treatment from one year of age. From 18 months, siblings can understand family rules and know how to comfort and be kind to each other. By the age of 3, children have a sophisticated grasp of social rules, can evaluate themselves in relation to their siblings, and know how to adapt to circumstances within the family.

Sibling rivalry often continues throughout childhood and can be frustrating and stressful for parents and children alike. Adolescents fight for the same reasons younger children fight, but they are better equipped to physically, intellectually, and emotionally hurt and be intellectually and emotionally hurt by each other. Physical and emotional changes cause pressures in the teenage years, as do changing relationships with parents and friends. Fighting with siblings as a way to get parental attention may increase in adolescence. One study found that the highest level of competition between siblings occurs between the ages of 10 and 15.

Sibling rivalry can continue into adulthood, and sibling relationships can change dramatically over the years. Events, such as a parent's illness, may bring siblings closer together, whereas divorce may drive them apart, particularly if the in-law relationship is strained. Approximately one-third of adults describe their relationship with siblings as rivalrous or distant. However, rivalry often lessens over time. At least 80 percent of siblings over the age of 60 enjoy close ties.

According to Kyla Boyse from the University of Michigan, each child in a family competes to define who they are as an individual and wants to show that they are separate from their siblings. Children may feel they are getting unequal amounts of their parents' attention, discipline, and responsiveness. Children fight most in families where there is neither any understanding that fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve conflicts nor any alternative way of handling such conflicts; in families in which physical fighting is forbidden but no method of non-physical conflict resolution (e.g., verbal argument) is permitted, the conversion and accumulation of everyday disputes into long-simmering hostilities can have an effect nearly as corrosive. Stress in the parents' and children's lives can create conflicts increasing sibling rivalry.

Alfred Adler saw siblings as "striving for significance" within the family and felt that birth order was an important aspect of personality development. In fact, psychologists and researchers today endorse the influence of birth order, as well as age and gender constellations, on sibling relationships. However, parents are seen as capable of having an important influence on whether they are competitive or not.

David Levy introduced the term "sibling rivalry" in 1941, claiming that for an older sibling "the aggressive response to the new baby is so typical that it is safe to say it is a common feature of family life." Researchers generally endorse this view, noting that parents can ameliorate this response by taking appropriate preventative steps and avoiding favoritism. The ideal time to lay the groundwork for a lifetime of supportive relationships between siblings is during the months prior to the new baby's arrival.