Family estrangement

Family estrangement is the cessation or reduction of a previously existing relationship between family members, often to the extent that there is little to no communication for a prolonged period. Often, at least one of the parties wants estrangement to end.

Family estrangements are broken relationships between parents, grandparents, siblings, children, cousins, etc. Characteristics of estrangement may include a lack of empathy in one or more of the parties involved. This can result in heightened levels of stress in all parties, although in the case of an abusive relationship the victim may feel a sense of relief once the source of stress has been removed.

A significant proportion of estrangements involve a third party, such as a member of the extended family or the adult child's spouse. For example, a child who dislikes a stepparent might refuse to have a relationship with the parent who married the stepparent; in such a case, the stepparent is the third party involved in the estrangement between the child and the parent. In some cases, the third party provides emotional support to the individual initiating the estrangement, providing the estranger with an alternative social support system and thus enabling the deepening of the estrangement. In other instances, the third party—whether deliberately or not—is actually the sole or primary cause of two family members becoming estranged.

In situations where the estrangement is unilateral, the rejected individual may or may not try a number of strategies to repair the rift. In some cases, taking responsibility and making amends for harsh words or difficult circumstances may improve the relationship.

In some cases, the initiator of the estrangement stipulates rules or boundaries in order to maintain limited contact (and therefore limit emotional damage) with the person they see as a potential abuser. In other cases, the initiator is unable or unwilling to consider any type of reconciliation.

Although the rejected party's psychological and physical health may decline, the estrangement initiator's may improve due to the cessation of abuse and conflict. The social rejection in family estrangement is the equivalent of ostracism which undermines four fundamental human needs: the need to belong, the need for control in social situations, the need to maintain high levels of self-esteem, and the need to have a sense of meaningful existence. The rejected parties suffer adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, low self-esteem, aggression, and depression.

Family estrangement activates the grief response because people who have experienced it often see it as a loss they were not prepared for and happened unexpectedly. However, the rejected family member may not achieve the final grief stage of acceptance, given that the social death of the relationship is potentially reversible. The prolonged suffering of the rejected party, together with a perceived or real stigma of having been rejected by a family member, results in isolation and behavioral changes in the rejected party.

Social workers who work with the elderly population are at the forefront of a new fallout from family estrangement. Non-supportive or absent family members during someone's end-of-life acutely increase the pain and stress of the final days.