O novo guia da conversação em portuguez e inglez, commonly known by the name English as She Is Spoke, is a 19th-century book written by Pedro Carolino, with some editions crediting José da Fonseca as co-author. It was intended as a Portuguese–English conversational guide book or phrase book. However, it is today regarded entirely as a classic source of unintentional humour in translation because the provided translations are usually inaccurate or unidiomatic.

The humour arises largely from Carolino's indiscriminate use of literal translation, which has led to many idiomatic expressions being translated ineptly. For example, Carolino translates the Portuguese phrase "Que horas são?" as "What o'clock is it?", when an analogous English phrase is available in the form of "What time is it?" or "What's the time?"

It is widely believed that Carolino could not speak English and that an unknown French–English dictionary was used to translate the earlier Portuguese–French phrase book O novo guia da conversação em francês e português, written by José da Fonseca. Carolino likely added Fonseca's name to the book without the latter's permission in an attempt to give it some credibility. The Portuguese–French phrase book is a competent work free of the defects that characterize the Portuguese–English one, but Carolino's use of literal translation on idiomatic or otherwise non-literal phrases leads to poor translation.

The title English as She Is Spoke was given to the book in its 1883 republication, but the phrase does not appear in the original phrasebook, nor does the word "spoke".

Mark Twain said of English as She Is Spoke "Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."

Stephen Pile mentions this work in The Book of Heroic Failures, commenting: "Is there anything in conventional English which could equal the vividness of 'to craunch a marmoset'?" The original has "to craunch the marmoset", an entry rendered in Portuguese as esperar horas e horas, "to wait for hours and hours", in the book's "Idiotisms and Proverbs" section. This is the author's attempt to translate the French slang idiomatic expression croquer le marmot, used to indicate "waiting patiently for someone to open a door". Croquer refers to a "knocking" or "rapping" sound, and marmot was a term for the grotesque door knockers in vogue at the time. "Craunch" is an archaic term meaning 'to chew' or 'crunch'. In Modern French, croquer usually means "to crunch" (see, e.g., croque monsieur); its use in this idiom is a survival from the Middle French meaning of croquer / crocquer, which meant "to slap, hit, strike".

Tristan Bernard wrote a very short comedy with a similar name, L'Anglais tel qu'on le parle (1899). Ionesco's La Cantatrice chauve (1950) is mostly made of lines used out-of-context from interlingual conversation books. British comedy television series Monty Python's Flying Circus made use of the theme of a mistranslating phrase book in the sketch "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook" (1970), which may have been inspired by English as She Is Spoke.

In addition to the examples above, Carolino managed to create a number of words which added to the book's unintentionally comic effect. Many can be found in the "Familiar Dialogues" and "Idiotisms and Proverbs" sections.