Limerence

Limerence is the mental state of being madly in love or intensely infatuated when reciprocation of the feeling is uncertain. This state is characterized by intrusive thoughts and idealization of the loved one (also called "crystallization"), typically with a desire for reciprocation to form a relationship. This is accompanied by feelings of ecstasy or despair, depending on whether one's feelings seem to be reciprocated or not. Research on the biology of romantic love indicates that the early stage of intense romantic love (also called passionate love) resembles addiction, but academics do not currently agree on how love addictions are defined.

The psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term "limerence" as an alteration of the word "amorance" without other etymologies. The concept grew out of her work in the 1960s when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love, originally published in her book Love and Limerence. According to Tennov, "to be in a state of limerence is to feel what is usually termed 'being in love.'" She coined the term to disambiguate the state from other less-overwhelming emotions, and to avoid the implication that people who don't experience it are incapable of love. Tennov was inspired to study romantic love after encountering people in her post as a professor who experienced severe heartbreak and personal perils.

According to Tennov and others, limerence can be considered intense romantic love, falling in love, love madness, intense infatuation, passionate love with obsessive elements or lovesickness. Limerence and obsessive love are similar, but obsessive love has connotations of possessive and self-defeating behavior. Limerence is also sometimes compared to and contrasted with a crush, with limerence being much more intense and impacting day-to-day functioning more: "when a crush has taken over your life".

Love and Limerence has been called the seminal work on romantic love, with Tennov's survey results and the various personal accounts recounted in the book largely marking the start of data collection on the phenomenon.

Dorothy Tennov's research was intended to be a scientific attempt at understanding the nature of romantic love. She identified a suite of psychological properties associated with a state she called limerence—usually termed "being in love", but distinguishable from other types of attraction patterns which the phrase "in love" might also refer to. Other authors have considered limerence to be an emotional and motivational state for focusing attention on a preferred mating partner or an attachment process.

Joe Beam calls limerence the feeling of being "madly in love". Nicky Hayes describes it as "a kind of infatuated, all-absorbing passion", the type of love Dante felt towards Beatrice or that of Romeo and Juliet. An unfulfilled, intense longing defines the state, where the individual becomes "more or less obsessed by that person and spends much of their time fantasising about them". Hayes suggests it's "the unobtainable nature of the goal which makes the feeling so powerful", and occasional, intermittent reinforcement may be required to support the underlying feelings. Frank Tallis calls limerence "love that does not need liking—love that may even thrive in response to rejection or contempt" and notes the "striking similarities" with addiction.

A central feature of limerence for Tennov was the fact that her participants really saw the personal flaws of the object of their affection, but simply overlooked them or found them attractive. Tennov calls this "crystallization", after a description by the French writer Stendhal. This "crystallized" object of passionate desire is what Tennov calls a "limerent object" or "LO", "because to the degree that your reaction to a person is limerent, you respond to your construction of LO's qualities".

Limerence has psychological properties akin to passionate love, but in Tennov's conception, limerence begins before a relationship and before the person experiencing it knows for certain whether it's reciprocated. Limerence is frequently unrequited and turns into a lovesickness that can be difficult to escape. Tennov argues that some type of situational uncertainty is required for the mental preoccupation and feelings to intensify, for example: mixed messages, physical or social obstacles, or even an LO's unsuitability as a partner. Some people may also fear intimacy so they distance themselves and avoid real connection.