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"Regrets Only"
Modern Family episode
Claire (Julie Bowen) talking to Jay (Ed O'Neill) about her fight with Phil (Ty Burrell) while eating ice-cream at the Mall
Episode no.Season 2
Episode 16
Directed byDean Parisot
Written byAbraham Higginbotham
Production code2ARG14
Original air dateFebruary 23, 2011 (2011-02-23)
Guest appearance
  • Jeremy Scott Johnson as Andrew
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Princess Party" 		Next →
"Two Monkeys and a Panda"
Modern Family season 2
List of episodes

"Regrets Only" is the 16th episode of the second season of the American sitcom Modern Family, and the series' 40th episode overall. It aired on February 23, 2011,[1] on ABC. The episode was written by Abraham Higginbotham and directed by Dean Parisot.

In the episode, Jay buys a karaoke machine as a gift to Gloria, something that he regrets when it becomes clear that Gloria's singing voice is glaringly off key. Phil and Claire deal with the aftermath of a huge fight, though neither of them come to understand how it started. Haley tries to trick her parents into saving money to buy her a car, a motive that her sister Alex deduces. Cameron tries to arrange a fundraiser that will help him upstage his "nemesis" Andrew.

The episode's original American broadcast was viewed by an estimated 10.35 million households and received a 4.1 rating and got mixed reviews from the critics.

Plot

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At the Dunphy house, Claire (Julie Bowen) has spent the night on the couch after having a huge fight with Phil (Ty Burrell), but he has no clue as to what it was about. Meanwhile, Jay (Ed O'Neill) gives Gloria (Sofía Vergara) a karaoke machine as a gift that he ends up regretting because of Gloria's loud and off key singing. Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) is trying to arrange for a very important fundraiser that gives him the chance to upstage his "nemesis" Andrew (Jeremy Scott Johnson).

Jay comes to the Dunphy house to help them fix the microwave oven door which was torn apart during Phil and Claire's fight, but the official version of the disaster in the kitchen is that a raccoon came in through the dog trap door and Claire had to fight it off with a fire extinguisher. Since Jay is unable to fix the oven, Claire asks Phil to take her to the mall to buy a new one but he says that he was on his way to have a hair cut as an excuse to avoid going to the mall with Claire. Gloria volunteers to cut Phil's hair and Jay agrees to take Claire to the mall as an excuse to avoid having to videotape Gloria singing on the karaoke machine.

While having his hair cut, Phil talks with Gloria about the fight and they try to figure out what caused it. He and Gloria come to the conclusion that the fight maybe was about him mistakenly buying broccoli instead of cauliflower. In the mall Jay discovers why Phil declined to come with Claire. While getting a massage, Claire makes all kinds of loud and embarrassing noises. While eating ice cream Claire tells her side of the story and it turns out that Phil went to lunch with a friend and had an amazing salad that he loved which Claire had been telling him about for years but he never tried. She left to walk around the block after having a meltdown and throwing the broccoli at Phil, but as she walked out the door her night gown got caught in the door and she had to get back into the house through the dog trap door, which Phil confused with a raccoon and he was the one to attack her with the fire extinguisher.

Meanwhile Haley (Sarah Hyland) has been "working" as a waitress and getting always just under $60.00 in tips. However Alex (Ariel Winter) figures that Haley is tricking her parents after Manny (Rico Rodriguez) tells her that he has passed by the restaurant and Haley was absent from work, since her parents are matching her tips in order to buy a car and she has been flashing the same $60.00 over and over again. She arranges that the family go for dinner at the restaurant and texts Haley to tell her. Once in the restaurant Haley tells them that there are no tables left but Alex called to make a reservation. Haley "takes" their drink order, as it turns out she has a table of her own and she orders everything on her own tab. Phil is trying to undo everything that might have caused the fight of the night before but when the menus arrive he tells Claire about the salad and she has a new meltdown and storms out of the restaurant. Haley uses this opportunity to "get fired" after her mother's outburst, foiling Alex's plan to expose her as a fake.

Cameron is gloating about the event that he is preparing with a harp duo called "Harp attack", since there have been no cancellations so far, but Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) finds in the back of his car all the invitations that he was supposed to have sent but never did. He tells nothing to Cameron and tries to have as many people come by asking them over the phone, but since there is a similar event on the same evening many are already engaged.

Cameron has hired Luke (Nolan Gould) to help to arrange his musical soirée and he gets a call from his friend Longines, who he asks for a couple of chairs. During that conversation he learns that no invitations were sent. He calls Mitchell over the phone and orders him to fix it. Mitchell calls everyone he knows and manages to bring a few people to the event, which turns out to be double the attendance of Andrew's event the year before.

Meanwhile, Phil shows Claire a photo album of pictures from when they just started dating. He shows that he has changed a lot as a result of her advice and that he does listen to her.

Gloria has learned a new song and is about to try it on the karaoke machine. As Jay is about to tell her that he can no longer take it, Manny runs in and begs his mother to stop it, that the machine will destroy their family and accuses Jay of cowardice.

In the epilogue, Jay tries out the karaoke machine and does a surprisingly good rendition of "Danny Boy", but it suddenly stops when Manny unplugs it and threatens Jay with, "You keep this up, and this won't be the last plug I pull."

Reception

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Ratings

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In its original American broadcast, "Regrets Only" was viewed by an estimated 10.35 million households and received a 4.1 rating/11% share among adults between the ages of 18 and 49.[2] This marked a season low for the series.[2] Despite this the episode became Wednesday's highest rated scripted program.[2][3]

Reviews

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The episode received mixed reviews.

TV Squad writer Joel Keller praised the episode for mixing up the three families writing that "the humor was rooted in the comedy of recognition that got 'Modern Family' all those Emmys last year."[4]

John Teti from The A.V. Club gave a B− rate to the episode saying that clichés are not necessarily a problem when they are executed in fresh ways, but sometimes tired is tired. He stated though that Mitchell and Cameron's storyline is the bright spot of the night and doesn't need to be saved. "Sometimes, tired is tired. A couple having an argument while the man doesn’t know what it’s about is tired. A wacky character with a terrible singing voice—except she doesn’t realize it, and she just loves to sing!—is tired. No amount of stylish storytelling is going to save these musty tropes. At least, it doesn’t tonight."[5]

Christine N. Ziemba from Paste Magazine rated the episode with 8.4/10 saying that for the first time on awhile the show didn't pull any punches with the jokes. "There were many more belly laughs in this episode that in the previous two combined, with great writing and perfect delivery by the cast. The use of physical comedy and quick delivery balanced against the pauses and imploring stares into the camera went a long way. A hat tip to this week’s scene stealers: Bowen, Burrell and O’Neill. We’ll see if the show can top itself next week."[6]

Matt Richenthal from TV Fanatic gave 3/5 to the episode saying that for the first time in memory, when it comes to that show, he didn't laugh out loud. "For a few weeks, the series has been teetering close to feeling like a regular sitcom. Sadly, it fell off that edge here, courtesy of a confluence of cliches [sic] and set-ups that I've seen a million times before."[7]

References

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Regrets Only

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from Grokipedia
"Regrets Only" is the sixteenth episode of the second season of the American sitcom television series '''', and the series' 40th episode overall. It originally aired on ABC in the United States on February 23, 2011. The episode was written by from a story by him and , and directed by . It guest stars as Dede Pritchett.

Episode Overview

Production Details

The episode "Regrets Only" was written by , a co-executive on the series who contributed multiple scripts to season 2. Higginbotham's writing for this installment explored themes of misunderstandings, aligning with the season's broader examination of interpersonal dynamics within the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker . It was directed by , an American filmmaker recognized for his handling of comedic timing in ensemble-driven projects such as the sci-fi parody (1999) and the action-comedy RED 2 (2013). Parisot's experience with large casts and humorous scenarios informed his approach to the episode's multi-threaded narratives. The production code 2ARG14 places "Regrets Only" as the fourteenth installment in the season's filming order, ahead of its broadcast as the sixteenth aired episode. This sequencing reflects the non-linear production typical of the series, which maintained its mockumentary format to capture spontaneous family interactions. Key script elements, including Jay's regrettable gift of a machine to Gloria and the mishap surrounding Cameron's fundraiser invitations, highlight the writers' focus on relatable, everyday sources of within domestic life.

Broadcast Information

"Regrets Only," the sixteenth episode of Modern Family's second season, originally premiered on ABC on February 23, 2011, during the network's mid-season programming slate. The episode aired as part of the show's established Wednesday night lineup, occupying the 9:00 PM ET slot in ABC's comedy block, following The Middle and , and preceding Mr. Sunshine at 9:30 PM. This positioning placed it in direct competition with high-profile broadcasts, including Fox's results show, which dominated the evening's viewership in the key 18-49 demographic. The broadcast drew a total of 10.17 million viewers, marking a solid performance that underscored the sitcom's growing appeal midway through its second season. This figure represented a slight dip from the prior episode's 10.57 million but still highlighted the program's status as ABC's flagship comedy, contributing to the network's strong Wednesday ratings overall. Directed by Dean Parisot and written by Abraham Higginbotham, the episode benefited from ABC's promotional efforts that teased the comedic exploration of family misunderstandings and party mishaps central to its narrative. ABC's marketing for the episode emphasized the humorous "regrets only" invitation theme, tying into broader campaigns promoting the show's relatable take on dynamics during the competitive mid-season window.

Plot Summary

Jay and Gloria's Storyline

In the "Regrets Only" episode of , Pritchett purchases a karaoke machine as a birthday gift for his wife, Gloria, intending it as a fun surprise. However, he quickly regrets the decision upon hearing Gloria's enthusiastic but severely off-key singing, which fills their home with discordant noise. Gloria, embracing the gift with unbridled joy influenced by her vibrant Colombian heritage and love for expressive performances, spends much of her time belting out tunes on the machine. The constant performances lead to significant household disruption, with Gloria's renditions—such as her cover of by —described as sounding like "a metal spoon in a garbage disposal." , the gruff patriarch, endures the cacophony in silence to avoid hurting Gloria's feelings, resorting to subtle like running the garbage disposal to mask the sound and even escaping to the mall with his Claire for relief. Their Manny grows increasingly frustrated by the ongoing disturbance, highlighting the tension it creates within the dynamic. The storyline culminates in a when Manny calls out as a "coward" for not addressing the issue directly, prompting to finally plan to speak with Gloria. Ultimately, Manny intervenes by telling Gloria, "I love you, Mom, but you have to throw the machine away," leading her to discard it and restore peace. This arc underscores themes of mismatched expectations in and Gloria's , where 's reluctance to communicate honestly stems from his desire to support her happiness, even at personal cost. In a tag scene, tentatively tries singing "" on the machine, only for Manny to unplug it, warning, "It won’t be the only plug I’ll pull out."

Phil and Claire's Family Storyline

In the "Regrets Only" episode of Modern Family, the subplot focusing on Phil and Claire Dunphy revolves around a heated marital argument that exposes underlying frustrations over perceived inattentiveness, intertwined with their children's opportunistic behaviors. The conflict erupts the previous night when Claire, exasperated by Phil's habit of ignoring her repeated requests for cauliflower at the grocery store and instead purchasing broccoli, unleashes her anger in the kitchen, smashing the offending vegetable and breaking household items in a fit of rage witnessed by their children Haley, Alex, and Luke. This seemingly trivial misunderstanding—broccoli mistaken for cauliflower—serves as the immediate trigger, but it symbolizes Claire's deeper resentment toward Phil for dismissing her advice while readily adopting suggestions from his friend Skip, such as trying a wedge salad at a restaurant. Determined to resolve the issue without direct communication, seeks counsel from Gloria, who advises him to demonstrate thoughtfulness through a grand gesture, while Claire confides in about feeling undervalued in their marriage. Meanwhile, their eldest daughter Haley, amid her ongoing rebellious phase characterized by schemes for independence, fabricates a story about landing a job at a to her parents out of for a new car, successfully pocketing funds under the pretense of needing transportation to work. The intelligent grows suspicious of Haley's unverifiable claims and, leveraging her analytical skills, attempts to expose the deception by urging her parents to visit the and verify the employment, highlighting and Haley's manipulative tendencies. Luke's involvement adds layers of comic relief through his naive and literal responses to the family chaos; during the initial fight's aftermath, his wide-eyed confusion and innocent questions about the "vegetable war" diffuse tension with humor, while later he unwittingly contributes to the unfolding events by accompanying the to the mall. The plot reaches its climax at the fabricated job site, where Phil arrives with a ribbon-tied as a symbolic apology gift for Haley, only for Claire to witness Phil dining with Skip and ordering the wedge salad—prompting another public outburst that ironically "gets Haley fired" and secures her scam's payout. Ultimately, the reconciles when Phil presents Claire with a personalized chronicling how her influence has shaped his life and their shared memories, reaffirming their parental unity and exposing the children's manipulations in a heartfelt moment overheard by Haley, , and Luke. This resolution emphasizes themes of marital communication, over petty regrets, and the comedic pitfalls of .

Mitchell and Cameron's Storyline

In the storyline centered on Mitchell and Cameron, Cameron meticulously plans a high-society charity fundraiser at their home, enlisting of a harp duo named "Harp Attack" and coordinating details via headsets with Luke to ensure a flawless execution aimed at surpassing the attendance of his rival Andrew's previous event. Cameron's dramatic flair, a recurring trait in the series, amplifies his enthusiasm and determination to impress the social circle. The event teeters on disaster when Mitchell realizes he forgot to mail the invitations six weeks earlier, leaving them buried under his gym bag in the car trunk; Lily inadvertently alerts him to the oversight by playing with one of the unsent invitations she found. As the party begins with no guests arriving and no "regrets only" responses received—since none were sent—chaos ensues, with Cameron panicking over the empty venue and fearing humiliation from , who had previously drawn a large . Mitchell steps in discreetly, making frantic phone calls to invite contacts, distributing flyers on the street, and even recruiting passersby and family members to fill seats, all while shielding Cameron from the full extent of the blunder to avoid escalating his distress. Lily's minor involvement adds a touch of whimsy, as she reacts with wide-eyed delight to the event's glamour once guests arrive, dressed in her finery amid the unfolding . Ultimately, Mitchell's quick thinking turns the tide, resulting in an attendance that doubles Andrew's prior turnout and securing the fundraiser's success for the cause. This arc underscores themes of social ambition in Cameron's drive to outshine his competitor and the supportive dynamics of their partnership, as Mitchell's intervention reinforces their teamwork despite the near-catastrophe.

Cast and Characters

Main Cast

The main cast of the "Regrets Only" episode features the core ensemble of Modern Family's Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker family. as Jay Pritchett, the family patriarch. as Gloria Pritchett, Jay's wife known for her vibrant personality. as Phil Dunphy, Claire's husband and a with enthusiastic demeanor. Julie Bowen as Claire Dunphy, Phil's wife and a dedicated mother. Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett, Jay's son and a lawyer. Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker, Mitchell's partner and an event enthusiast. The supporting child actors include Sarah Hyland as Haley Dunphy, Ariel Winter as Alex Dunphy, Nolan Gould as Luke Dunphy, Rico Rodriguez as Manny Delgado, and twins Ella and Jaden Hiller as Lily Tucker-Pritchett.

Guest Stars

Jeremy Scott Johnson guest-starred as , Cameron's rival who attends the fundraiser and engages in competitive banter. This role builds on Andrew's prior appearances as Cameron's in earlier episodes. Other guest roles included Eva Simone Fisher as the caterer, Kate Rylie as the waitress, and Jeff Staron as the music student, contributing to the fundraiser scenes. Johnson is known for supporting comedic roles, including a board member in the NBC series Community and appearances in the TBS sitcom Men at Work.

Reception

Viewership Ratings

"Regrets Only" garnered 10.35 million household viewers upon its initial broadcast, marking a slight dip from the viewership of preceding episodes in the season while still performing robustly within its competitive time slot. In the adults 18-49 demographic, the episode achieved a 4.1 rating with an 11% share, establishing it as a season low primarily due to stiff competition from Fox's . This result fell below the season's typical range of 4.5 to 5.0 in the , a decline often linked to mid-season audience fatigue. Nevertheless, it ranked as ABC's highest-rated scripted program for the evening, underscoring its enduring draw amid the network's lineup.

Critical Reviews

The episode "Regrets Only" garnered mixed critical reception, with reviewers appreciating its exploration of relatable "small regrets" in family dynamics while noting occasional lapses into sitcom clichés. Many 2011 critiques positioned the installment as emblematic of 's peak form during its second season, balancing humor and character-driven insights effectively. The A.V. Club's John Teti awarded the episode a B−, praising standout character moments such as the pairing of Cameron and Luke for their fresh and enjoyable dynamics, but critiquing its heavy reliance on overused tropes like unexplained couple arguments and wacky singing sequences that felt unoriginal and cruel in execution. Paste Magazine highlighted the strong ensemble humor across the regret scenarios, lauding the fundraiser subplot's chaotic energy—centered on Mitchell's invitation oversight—and Vergara's vibrant performance as Gloria, which delivered and punchy lines with aplomb. TV Fanatic rated the episode 3 out of 5 stars, acknowledging solid laughs from subtle jokes in the Mitchell and Cameron arc but faulting its uneven pacing across multiple family storylines, which leaned too heavily on exaggerated traits and familiar setups. Common themes in these reviews emphasized the episode's success in making everyday miscommunications feel authentic and humorous, reinforcing 's strength in ensemble-driven comedy during its early, high-impact seasons.
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