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Off the derech
Off the derech
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Off the derech (Hebrew: דֶּרֶךְ, pronounced: /ˈdɛrɛx/, meaning: "path"; OTD) is a Yeshiva-English expression used to describe the state of a Jew who has left an Orthodox way of life or community, and whose new lifestyle is secular, non-Jewish, or of a non-Orthodox form of Judaism, as part of a contemporary social phenomenon tied to the digital,[2] postmodern and post-postmodern eras. In its broadest sense, it can also include those changing to a milder form of Orthodoxy.[3] Despite the term's pejorative and controversially dichotomic and definitive nature, it has become popular in use among Orthodox people, is found in mainstream literature,[4] and has also been reclaimed by some OTD individuals.[5]

Leaving Orthodox Judaism, especially the Haredi community, is largely reported to be a difficult experience emotionally, socially, and financially, often involving multiple risks and losses. The combined findings of a significant body of studies which have examined a wide and varied array of reasons given for leaving suggest that exiting is a complex, multifaceted phenomenon, its motivations of which can be defined in several ways: disaffiliation as immigration (aversion from and/or attraction to the differing living conditions of origin or destination, respectively), as apostasy (faith related), as liberation from a coercive group, and as standing for one’s identity. A common denominator between the narratives is an intensity in the individuals' desire to leave, underscored by their readiness to pay the high price involved.[6]

Aggregations of ex-Orthodox individuals may comprise a social movement, though there is no organized effort to convince people to leave, making it more a social phenomenon than a movement. Reports show the rates of attrition from Orthodox Judaism in the US and the UK to be at 33%–52%, and US data appears to show a decline when comparing those born between c. 1990–2002 with those born before 1990.[7] Similar trends in leaving religion exist in Islam, the LDS movement, Hinduism, Pentecostal Christianity, Roman Catholicism, and evangelical Christianity.[8]

The OTD phenomenon is of interest to Orthodox Jews, non-Orthodox Jews, members of the general public, and exiters themselves. This interest has generated many narratives expressed in the form of memoirs, podcasts, studies, documentaries, TV, and opinion pieces.[9] While initial memoirs and documentaries of exiters focused on those leaving Hasidic communities,[10][11] experiences of individuals from other Orthodox communities (Modern Orthodox, Yeshivish, Haredi, etc.) differ in several significant ways.[citation needed]

Background

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Terminology

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Derech, Hebrew for “path” or “way”, bears a religious connotation: those who follow the derech ascribe to both ancient and modern rabbinic authority which determines a way of life, both communal and private. In Orthodox Judaism, halakha (Jewish law) is viewed as the ultimate authority on how to lead a good and morally upstanding life, and living by its code demonstrates one's commitment and is necessary for belonging within certain communities. The term "off the derech" originated within Haredi communities to describe a physical move away from family and peers as well as abandonment of religious, ethical, and cultural principles. With the high level of existential importance for the individual and the community as a whole to stay on the derech, the term in its original setting is one of disapproval, even when not translated into active shunning of the individual.[5]

Some exiters reject the term because of its history and meaning within Orthodox communities, and some reject it as giving credence to perceived religious superiority[5] or a false binary of being either on or off the prescribed path with no room for any deviation.[12] But many exiters reclaim it and use it as convenient shorthand or as a defiant phrase, celebrating its subversive meaning as an antidote to the stigmatization it connotes. Alternatives used are XO, signifying "ex-Orthodox" while also playing on a term for "love"; ex-Jew, found in blogs; ex-Hasidic or ex-Haredi, offering a more specific indication of one’s native community; and Apikores, derived from the Greek philosopher Epicurus. The last term, first invoked in rabbinic Mishnaic literature and often used as a slur by community members, has extended in meaning to loosely include anyone who expresses a view regarded not only as heretical but even as heterodox.[5]

"Off the derech" has become the most commonly used term among Jews of current or previous Orthodox affiliation to describe an act of departure from a Jewish religious lifestyle, and it is also increasingly used within mainstream parlance, blogging, journalism, and scholarship to identify a brand of secularism born out of a lived experience within a rigidly Orthodox home and community.[5][12]

In Modern Hebrew, the process of halting or decreasing religious observance is known as yetziah besheelah. This term, loosely translated as "leaving in question," plays on "returning in repentance", the popular term for those who move in the other direction by becoming Orthodox after being raised without Orthodoxy.[6]

History of religious attrition

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Movement away from traditional religious practices and communities toward secularity has a rich tradition in modern Jewish and Jewish American literature, much of which is echoed in the OTD phenomenon.[5] The Haskalah, the Jewish Enlightenment in Europe that ran parallel in time to the European Enlightenment, was similarly a determined move toward secularization that challenged rabbinic authority,[5] though on a greater scale. Comparable to the OTD phenomenon in the Digital Age, the Haskalah arose in an era of unprecedented opportunities for participation in the non-Jewish world and access to diverse bodies of knowledge.[2] In 19th-century Europe, more girls than accounted for may have voluntarily left Orthodox Judaism, since many stories of girls being abducted by convents[13] may actually have been voluntary defection.[14] Early 20th-century American Jewish immigrant stories consistently tell of an initial departure from a native community, usually located in Eastern Europe or Russia, followed by a secondary departure from their religious and cultural practices.[5]

Nevertheless, OTD literature distinguishes itself as "a movement that originates in the Postmodern world and moves toward, if anything, one that is Post-postmodern," bringing with it its own unique sociological and anthropological aspects.[15][12]

Demographics

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United States

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A 2013 survey on American Jews conducted by the Pew Research Center, which included more than 500 Orthodox participants,[16] found that 52% of Jewish adults who were raised Orthodox were no longer Orthodox. When subdivided by age, it found that 17% of these are accounted for by those under the age of 30, 43% by those aged 30–49, 59% by those aged 50–64, and 78% by those aged 65 and above. Some experts think that the higher attrition rate in the older age groups is possibly "a period effect in which people who came of age during the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s left Orthodoxy in large numbers."[17]

A subsequent 2020 study found the attrition rate to be at 33%.[18] This lower rate may be due (at least in part) to the fact that in this study, the sample of adults who were raised as Orthodox Jews includes a larger percentage of people under the age of 30.[19]

United Kingdom

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The JPR's preliminary report from the 2013 National Jewish Community Survey showed that 36% of participants who were raised Central Orthodox were no longer Orthodox (an additional 6% had gone "right" to Haredi Orthodoxy). There was no data available to demonstrate shifts in the British Haredi community.[20][21]

Reasons for leaving

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Lived experience is different in various sections of Orthodox Judaism, which includes Modern Orthodoxy, Haredism, Yeshivish Orthodoxy (which can denote Haredi and/or Modern Orthodox communities), Hasidism, and more.[22] Experiences also differ based on gender. Despite these differences, however, the broad outlines of reasons people leave any Orthodox Jewish community remain similar. Reasons include sexual abuse, forbidden sexual orientations or gender, lack of belief / belief in other theories, patriarchal society, or dislike of the culture.[23][24] Often, if the leaver does not feel welcome in the community, they will leave altogether instead of finding other communities, although some go to other forms of Judaism, such as Reform.[25] One study by Roni Berger found four milestones common in the narratives of study participants: 1) initial questioning; 2) growing doubts; 3) beginning to share selectively with a small group of trusted others; 4) revealing a new and altered identity.[26] This process of religious disaffiliation is echoed by Helen Rose Fuchs Ebaugh in a 1988 article about former nuns, which she outlines as 1) first doubts; 2) seeking and weighing role alternatives; 3) a turning point; 4) establishing an ex-role identity.[27]

Lynn Davidman's 2014 book acknowledges the often messy process of leaving, including a period of "passing" when individuals move between two worlds.[28] This period is characterized by confusion, doubts, depression, and defiance, but also by self-confidence and courage to leave the regimented world they grew up in and begin to live in another world.[28] In addition, because of the community's insularity, some people who experience the first stages of doubt, confusion, and depression don't see a way out and instead reconcile themselves to remaining.[29] Those who are married and/or have children often make choices about suppressing doubts or negotiating acceptable trespasses with their spouses in order not to jeopardize their spouse and children's standing in the community.[30]

An individual's decision to discontinue practicing Orthodox Judaism is likely based on the presence of one or more of three key causes: emotional, intellectual, or implementational issues. Nishma Research carried out a survey of OTD individuals in 2016, which recorded a widely-varied and complex set of reasons people give for leaving, and the process in which they do so, including emotional, intellectual, or implementational issues.[31] An earlier study by journalist Faranak Margolese came to the conclusion that: "Most formerly observant Jews today seem to have left, not because the outside world pulled them in, but, rather, because the observant one pushed them out. They experienced Judaism as a source of pain…so they did what was natural: go in the other direction."[32] These and other studies point to social and emotional aspects of Haredi Judaism, especially individuals' feelings of being silenced, marginalized, or ignored within the rigid social structure, as important factors in individuals' decisions to leave.[28]

Some selected reasons revealed by these studies include bad behavior and perceived hypocrisy in the community, especially from community leaders; oppressive community norms; experiencing religious observance as a condition for parents' or teachers' love or approval; experiencing molestation, rape, or other sexual abuse; difficulty reconciling strict interpretations of Torah and Talmud with knowledge of natural science; and disbelief that the Torah or Jewish path is correct.[33]

Sexual abuse is indeed found to be reported among OTD individuals at a much higher rate than among the overall Orthodox and general population. According to a 2018 study, formerly Orthodox people are more than four times as likely to report childhood sexual abuse compared to currently Orthodox people and those never affiliated with Orthodox Judaism. A 2019 study on OTD adults reports that 25% of male respondents and 30% of female respondents said that they had experienced sexual abuse within Orthodox Jewish communities, though the questioning was not specific enough to determine the prevalence of sexual abuse in minors.[34]

Orthodox views of OTD people

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Like experiences of those leaving Orthodox Judaism, attitudes of those who remain differ across the many sections of Orthodox Judaism. Attrition from Orthodoxy is seen by the family and the Orthodox community at large as a serious problem for Jews as it threatens the Orthodox population of Jews, causes assimilation, and breaks the intergenerational chain of the Orthodox traditions and laws for living.[35] In a 2023 survey, "people going off the derech" was collectively ranked by Haredi respondents as the third to fourth "top communal priority for the next decade"; Modern Orthodox respondents placed it as priority number twelve.[36]

Attitudes of Orthodox individuals and leaders toward those who have left range from considering them heretics to be shunned and/or mourned as dead[37] (the latter having fallen out of vogue more recently[38]), to regarding them as being wayward people in pain who must be shown love.[39] Showing love to those perceived as being in pain is most often seen in regard to teens,[40] where the attitude is that if "a parent goes down the path of love and acceptance - that child will be far less likely to go down that rabbit hole. And may even return to observance."[41] In the view of Haredi leadership and Haredi psychologists, questions of faith are a symptom of abuse, depression, anxiety, addiction or life problems, and through addressing these issues one is likely to return to their former beliefs.[42] For this reason, individuals who lose faith are often pathologized for their inability or unwillingness to conform.[43] "At risk," a term used in secular arenas to describe minors "less likely to transition successfully into adulthood" due to a variety of social and emotional factors,[44] was adapted by Orthodox people to include those at "spiritual risk," defined as a decline in observance, a decline in spiritual beliefs, and/or violation of socio-cultural norms and rules, elements which can manifest into leaving Orthodox Judaism.[45]

Many former Haredim speak of having been ostracized by their families, although it is also not uncommon for families to retain close ties with such children. A 2021 study focusing on OTD individuals raised in Yeshivish (Lithuanian Haredi) communities concludes that "In the Yeshivish world it appears that [the family] remaining close, not cutting off a child because they are OTD, is a pattern and not an exception."[46] In a Mishpacha interview, Shimon Schneebalg, a Hasidic Rabbi in Israel, encouraged parents of OTD children to fully accept that their child has taken "a different path" and to love their child unconditionally.[47] In 2018, in what the Jerusalem Post termed a "remarkable" video, Rabbi Gershon Eidelstein was filmed saying that parents of an OTD son should not reprimand their child for bringing a girlfriend into the home or lighting a cigarette on shabbos.[48]

Agudath Israel of America, a leading ultra-Orthodox organization, regularly addresses the topic of individuals leaving Orthodox Judaism. At their national conventions in 2015 and 2016, they addressed the topic in panels titled "Chanoch La’naar: Nurturing Our Children, Ensuring Our Future,"[49] "OTD: Why Do They Leave? And What Can We Do About It?"[50] and "Diving Off The Derech: The Emerging Adult At Risk Phenomenon."[51] The topic also appears frequently in their now-defunct magazine, The Jewish Observer, like the January/February 2006 issue devoted to the topic of "Kids@Risk Revisited."[52]

For those who leave and are married with children, the community tends to embrace the spouse left behind and help raise funds for legal support to help that person retain custody of the children, sometimes accomplished through community emergency fundraising appeals which are backed by the Haredi community leadership.[53] One such event in 2016 in Stamford Hill, London was graced by the presence of senior rebbes who had flown in from Israel to attend, which helped to attract a reported 1,500 strong attendance, each of whom was asked for a minimum donation of £500. A flyer for the event contained a letter from Rabbi Ephraim Padwa, spiritual head of the UOHC, in which he wrote: "To our great pain, and our misfortune, our community finds itself in a terrible situation – 17 of our pure and holy children where one of the parents, God rescue them, have gone out into an evil culture, and want to drag their children after them."[54][55]

Orthodox leaders and parents have set up organizations to counsel those whose relatives are OTD. Some of the organizations include Project Yes[56] and MASK (Mothers and Fathers Aligned Saving Kids).[57] Additionally, Shabbatons, groups, and events are organized to support parents dealing with an OTD child.[58] Rabbis and leaders also provide support and advice for children whose parents have left Orthodoxy.[59]

Haredi community members interviewed by the BBC "argue[d] that the stories of people who leave cast the community - a vulnerable minority at risk of anti-semitic attack - in a bad light and that it’s unfair."[54] A hashtag trend #MyOrthodoxLife[60] followed the release of the 2021 reality TV show My Unorthodox Life, and similar campaigns often arise when OTD narratives are in the spotlight in attempts to center Orthodox stories joy and silence ex-Orthodox stories of pain or dissatisfaction.[61]

Comedian Leah Forster shared custody of her daughter with her ultra-Orthodox husband and continued observing the Jewish sabbath, keeping a kosher home and fasting on Yom Kippur after their divorce.[62] Her off-Broadway show “That’s Yentatainment!” told Forster’s journey from closeted Haredi teacher to openly lesbian comedian, influencer and author.[63][64]

Post-disaffiliation issues

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Multiple hardships and losses are involved in one's process of disaffiliation from Orthodox Jewish communities, especially from Haredi Orthodoxy, which can include loss of family, loss of employment, divorce, loss of custody of children, and loss of community and social structure.[65][29] Additionally, those who leave must adjust and acculturate to new ways of life and thinking outside of their communities of origin.[65]

Psychological

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Individuals who leave ultra-Orthodox Judaism often face rejection from friends and family members. This knowledge often leads individuals who have doubts to first try to reconcile their doubts, in order to avoid the risk of losing family and friends. These individuals are generally pathologized by community leaders and experts and this attitude can often cause them to doubt their own sanity for having questions.[66] At this stage, individuals often experience anxiety and depression.[28] Some contemplate, attempt, or commit suicide.[67] Media coverage of Faigy Mayer's 2015 suicide led to a spate of think-pieces about OTD suicides.[68] Mental health advocates within the Orthodox and OTD communities have raised concerns about suicide and overdose rates in both.[69][70] However, reliable statistics are not available as the matter has not been formally researched.[71] Leaving any faith-based community often has traumatic effects; for many, losing a lifelong sense of reliance and security through believing in divine providence can be a difficult adjustment.[72] OTD individuals also struggle with ingrained ideas about God's punishment, often leading to extreme feelings of guilt.[28] Guilt among questioning individuals sometimes leads them to commit self-harm as a way of punishing themselves for perceived wrongs towards God, family and community.[citation needed]

While psychological effects can be overwhelming in the initial years after leaving, the majority of OTD individuals report success in attaining their desired objectives in leaving. In Engelman's 2019 survey, 59% reported that they accomplished the goals they expected by leaving; 30% reported that they somewhat accomplished those goals; and 11% reported that they did not accomplish those goals.[65]

Social

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Leaving the community entails adjusting to a secular world where attitudes to many subjects are different and social life works differently. Some find it hard to adapt to aspects of the general public's day to day lifestyle, which can leave them with feelings of inadequacy and alienation.[73] Leaving a close-knit community where every member of the community is taken care of is often financially challenging as well.[65] Individuals who leave ultra-Orthodox communities often have difficulty maintaining contact with families who may disapprove of their choices. To counteract the feelings of isolation and alienation, many individuals form groups of friends who get together for Shabbat dinners and other practices with cultural significance.[28][74]

Some Orthodox Jews remain in the community despite losing their faith. In the 2016 Nishma survey of OTD individuals, 33% of the respondents reported that they were posing as religious. These people are sometimes referred to as Reverse Marranos,[75][76] double-lifers,[31] in the closet OTD, or Orthoprax Jews.[77] The decision to stay is often influenced by fear of being ostracized and having to rebuild community, or by fear of losing one's spouse and/or children.[31] Many of these individuals join online communities of people of OTD experience, often using pseudonyms to avoid being outed.[78] 39% of double-lifers say it is likely they will leave their community at some point.[31]

Some OTD individuals have become activists by founding, or volunteering within, organizations which advocate for specific changes within the community.[citation needed] Some examples include ZAAKAH, which works to prevent child sexual abuse;[79][80] YAFFED, which advocates for basic secular education[81] among ultra-Orthodox Jews especially amid Hasidim; and JQY, which focuses on LGBTQ+ causes.[82]

Ex-Orthodox organizations

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Many formerly Orthodox individuals seek community and discussion about their former beliefs and new lives in online and in-person groups. A number of OTD organizations have emerged; Footsteps, founded in New York in December 2003, provides educational, vocational, and social support to people who have left or want to leave a Haredi or Hasidic community in the United States. Hillel is its equivalent in Israel,[83] Besht Yeshiva Dresden in Germany, Pathways Melbourne in Australia and Mavar and Gesher in the UK. Freidom, a non-profit in the US, provides social support and cultural guidance via programs and events. Project Makom was founded in July 2014 by the nonprofit Jew in the City, and "helps former and questioning Charedi Jews find their place in Orthodoxy".[84] Informal communities have also developed on websites, blogs, and Facebook groups.[85][86]

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In the first few decades of the twenty-first century, a number of stories of people leaving Orthodox Judaism have gained a degree of fame in the general public's eye. Fictional and autobiographical narratives existed in smaller numbers in the twentieth century.[87]

Notes:

  • The genre of "OTD literature" is much debated among ex-Orthodox individuals and scholars who study the phenomenon, with some who consider writings of the haskalah to be part of this corpus and some who define the genre as belonging to a particular historical moment beginning in the twentieth century.[88]
  • The books, films, and others listed below are varied in their approaches to and portrayals of both Orthodox communities and exiters of those communities.
  • Several of these texts which received rave reviews in some publications, primarily the Netflix miniseries Unorthodox and the Netflix reality show My Unorthodox Life,[89][90][91] have also generated spirited debate about stereotypical portrayals of Orthodox communities[92][93] and alleged inaccurate sensationalized representations of those who leave.[94][95][96] Some reviews highlight the real-life negative and sometimes dangerous effects of certain representations,[97] and some embrace the ambivalence of having representation even if imperfect.[98] According to Shira Schwartz, a greater number of representations of Haredim are shown in popular media even if there may be equal numbers of non-Haredi OTD experiences, possibly as a strategy to attract secular interest through the shock and intrigue in the narratives of visibly-different people shedding religious attire.[99]
Title Format / Genre Author / Creator Year of Publication Description
The Jazz Singer movie Alan Crosland 1927 Famous for being the first film with synchronized dialogue, this classic talkie stars Al Jolson as Jakie Rabinowitz, the son of a cantor who defies the traditions of his Orthodox parents because of his desire to pursue a career as a jazz singer. Following punishment by his father, Jakie runs away from home, but many years later his professional success comes into direct conflict with his religious and family responsibilities. The film was remade twice — in 1952 (directed by Michael Curtiz) and again in 1980 (directed by Richard Fleischer and Sidney J. Furie), the latter starring Neil Diamond and Lawrence Olivier.
The Chosen novel Chaim Potok 1967 Novel about the friendship between two Jewish Brooklyn boys, Danny and Reuven, who are from different backgrounds. Danny is a Hasidic Jew and the son of a rabbi, but feels trapped by the restrictions imposed on him. By the end of the film he has abandoned Hasidism, choosing instead to go to college to become a psychologist. Reuven is Modern Orthodox, the son of a talmudic scholar and an ardent Zionist. Tradition, parental expectation, the Holocaust and the establishment of Israel are causes of friction between them.
The Chosen movie Jeremy Kagan 1981 Adaptation of Potok's novel.
A Price Above Rubies movie Boaz Yakin 1998 Sonia is a Haredi wife and mother living in Boro Park, Brooklyn. She decides to leave the problems and confines of her marriage and family, including her baby. Sonia eventually moves out of Boro Park and finds work and love outside of the Haredi community. Starring Renée Zellweger, Christopher Eccleston, Julianna Margulies, Allen Payne.
The Romance Reader novel Pearl Abraham 1995 Hemmed in by the strict codes of her Orthodox Jewish upbringing, the daughter of a rabbi escapes to the world of romance novels and begins to chafe at her family and her faith.
Mendy: A Question of Faith movie Adam Vardy 2003 This lesser-known but touching movie stars ex-Hasidic actors who play characters leaving their Hasidic community in New York for a life of sex and drugs, but also, eventually, love.
Disobedience novel Naomi Alderman 2006 Novel follows a rabbi's bisexual daughter as she returns from New York to her Orthodox Jewish community in Hendon, London.
Let There Be Light documentary Meni Philip [he] 2007 Documents the life of Meni Philip, who was a famous Haredi singer, that became secular along with four of his brothers and sisters.
Sinner Short film Meni Philip [he] 2009 A 28-minute film about a young boy studying at an ultra-Orthodox Jewish boarding school who is sexually abused by his rabbi and struggles with guilt and silence. The film premiered at the 2009 Venice International Film Festival, where it won the Best European Short Film award.
Holy Rollers movie Kevin Asch, Antonio Macia 2010 In Brooklyn, a youth from an Orthodox Jewish community is lured into becoming an Ecstasy dealer by his pal who has ties to an Israeli drug cartel.

Stars Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Bartha, Danny A. Abeckaser.

Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots memoir Deborah Feldman 2012 Memoir documenting Deborah Feldman's life in an ultra-religious Jewish community in Brooklyn, New York.
Felix & Meira movie Maxime Giroux 2014 Affair between two Montreal residents - one a married woman from a devoutly Jewish family and community, and the other a single French Canadian man with his own family issues. Starring Martin Dubreuil, Hadas Yaron, and Luzer Twersky.
All Who Go Do Not Return memoir Shulem Deen 2015 Memoir about growing up in and then leaving one of the most insular Hasidic sects in the U.S.
Exodus memoir Deborah Feldman 2015 Sequel to Unorthodox; follows Feldman as she raises her son in the “real” world, findes solace and solitude in a writing career, searches for love, and travels across Europe to retrace her grandmother’s life during the Holocaust.
Cut Me Loose: Sin and Salvation After My Ultra-Orthodox Girlhood memoir Jericho Vincent 2015 A memoir about Vincent's journey from self-destruction to redemption, after cutting ties with her ultra-Orthodox Jewish family.
Uncovered: How I Left Hasidic Life and Finally Came Home memoir Leah Lax 2015 Leah Lax tells her story—beginning as a young teen who left her liberal, secular home for life as a Hasidic Jew and ending as a forty-something woman who has to abandon the only world she's known for thirty years in order to achieve personal freedom.
Disobedience movie Rachel Weisz, Ed Guiney, and Frida Torresblanco 2017 Adaptation of Alderman's 2006 novel; the story of a woman who returns to the strict Orthodox Jewish community for her father's funeral after living in New York for many years, having been estranged from her father and ostracized by the community for a reason that becomes clearer as the story unfolds. The film stars Rachel Weisz, Rachel McAdams, and Alessandro Nivola.
One of Us documentary Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady 2017 The film follows the lives of three ex-members of Brooklyn's Hasidic community: Ari Hershkowitz, Luzer Twersky, and Etty Ausch. Each struggles with being ostracized from their former community and families, while revealing how they came to leave. The film also reveals their experience with religious doubt, as well as with both domestic abuse and childhood sexual abuse. Some receive support from ex-Haredi organizations such as Footsteps, while others work to find a footing in the secular world. The film also follows counselor Chani Getter in her work with helping former ultra-Orthodox individuals settle into the outside world.
The Book of Separation memoir Tova Mirvis 2017 Memoir about leaving Orthodox Judaism to find out what she really believes.
High Maintenance: “Derech” TV episode Ben Sinclair, Katja Blichfeld 2018 An ex-Hasid named Baruch (Luzer Twersky), with the accidental help of a flighty Vice writer (Ismenia Mendes), has a wild night out at a club.
Unorthodox Netflix miniseries Anna Winger and Alexa Karolinski, and directed by Maria Schrader 2020 Esty, a 19-year-old Jewish woman, is living unhappily in an arranged marriage among the Satmar sect of the ultra-Orthodox community in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City. She runs away to Berlin, where her estranged mother lives, and tries to navigate a secular life, discovering life outside her community and rejecting all of the beliefs she grew up with. Her husband, who learns that she is pregnant, travels to Berlin with his cousin, by order of their rabbi, to try to find her.
My Unorthodox Life reality TV Jeff Jenkins, Ross Weintraub, Reinout Oerlemans, Julia Haart 2021 The series centers on Julia Haart, the CEO of a modeling agency and fashion company and a former ultra-Orthodox Jew, as Haart and her family acculturate to their new non-religious lifestyle in Manhattan.
Ultraorthodox mein Weg memoir Akiva Weingarten 2022 Memoir documenting Akiva Weingarten's life in an ultra-religious Jewish community in Monsey, New York.
Heretic in the House podcast Naomi Seidman 2022 In this limited four-part series, Professor Naomi Seidman takes us on a deeply moving journey with believers and heretics alike to uncover their hidden stories.
Rough Diamonds Netflix series Rotem Shamir, Yuval Yefet 2023 Noah Wolfson (Kevin Janssens) travels home to Antwerp after the suicide of his younger brother, Yanki. Upon his return, Noah reconnects with the Haredi community he abandoned when he left the Orthodox faith, while also trying to rescue his family's diamond trading business from the pressures of organized crime and a zealous local prosecutor (Els Dottermans).[100]
Shttl movie Ady Walter 2023 In 1941, Mendele (Moshe Lobel) returns to his shtetl in Western Ukraine one day before the Nazi invasion.
An Unorthodox Education documentary Joe Kolman 2023 Interviews with academics and leavers to address the problems in ultra-Orthodox education, particularly Hasidic boys schools.
“That’s Yentatainment!” Off-Broadway show Leah Forster 2024 Forster tells her journey from closeted Haredi teacher to openly lesbian comedian, influencer and author with shared custody of her daughter and continued Sabbath and kashrut observance.[62][63][64]
No Child Spared Documentary film Meni Philip 2025 Investigates physical abuse in ultra-Orthodox Jewish schools, following children who endured extreme corporal punishment, and the broader systemic issues within these communities.

See also

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References

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Further reading

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Revisions and contributorsEdit on WikipediaRead on Wikipedia
from Grokipedia
Off the derech (OTD), a Yiddish-Hebrew phrase meaning "off the path," refers to individuals raised in Orthodox Jewish communities, particularly ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) ones, who disaffiliate by rejecting or significantly deviating from traditional religious observance, communal norms, and halachic (Jewish legal) strictures. This phenomenon involves a spectrum of exits, from subtle non-conformism—such as questioning authority or adopting secular media—to full departure into non-religious life, often triggered by exposure to external ideas via the internet, unmet personal needs, or perceived inconsistencies in communal practices. Empirical estimates suggest thousands disaffiliate annually from Haredi communities in Israel, while diaspora rates vary, with limited hard data indicating higher attrition in insular groups compared to more open Orthodox subgroups. Support organizations like Footsteps provide targeted assistance, including education, career , and peer networks, to address gaps in formal schooling and common among leavers. Defining challenges for OTD individuals encompass family , psychological distress from identity rupture, and practical barriers like literacy deficits or employment hurdles, compounded by communal stigma viewing disaffiliation as a failing. Controversies persist over causal factors, with ex-members citing institutional rigidity or unreported abuses as drivers, while communities emphasize retention through enhanced internal support amid fears of cultural erosion.

Definition and Terminology

Etymology and Core Meaning

The term off the derech (often abbreviated OTD) originates from the Hebrew word derech (דרך), which translates to "path" or "way" and carries a biblical and religious connotation referring to a prescribed moral, ethical, or halachic (Jewish legal) trajectory. In Jewish texts, derech appears over 600 times in the Hebrew Bible, symbolizing righteous conduct or divine guidance, as in Proverbs 4:26: "Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure." The English phrase adapts this literal sense idiomatically within contemporary Orthodox Jewish vernacular, particularly among English-speaking communities in the United States and Israel, to denote deviation from strict Torah observance rather than a direct ancient Hebrew idiom. At its core, off the derech describes individuals—typically those raised in Orthodox or ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) environments—who abandon traditional religious practices, such as observance, kosher dietary laws, modest dress codes, and arranged marriages within insular communities, often transitioning to secular, , or non-religious lifestyles. This departure implies not merely laxity in ritual but a fundamental rejection of the community's , including its emphasis on separation from secular influences and perpetual for males. The term gained prominence in the late amid rising visibility of such exits, though it remains contested for its implication of a singular "correct" path, with some former Orthodox individuals preferring alternatives like "ex-Orthodox" to avoid undertones.

Variations in Usage Across Communities

The term "off the derech" (OTD), derived from Yiddish-influenced , is most commonly used in North American Orthodox communities to denote departure from halakhic observance and, frequently, communal affiliation. In Haredi subgroups such as Hasidic and (Litvish), it typically signifies a complete rupture from insulated lifestyles, often entailing and social . In contrast, Israeli Haredi communities favor Hebrew equivalents like yetziyah be-she'elah (voluntary exit), emphasizing self-initiated disaffiliation from ultra-Orthodox norms without the Yiddish overlay prevalent in diaspora slang. This linguistic distinction reflects broader cultural divergences, with Hebrew terms appearing in academic and communal discourse on retention within Israel's Haredi , estimated at 13.3% attrition among ages 20-64 as of 2020. Modern Orthodox usage mirrors Haredi applications but often applies to less absolute breaks, such as reduced ritual adherence amid secular engagement, with surveys indicating a 9% OTD comparable across genders. Haredi sectors rank OTD as a top communal priority—fourth in priority surveys—while it ranks lower (twelfth) in centrist Orthodox polls, underscoring varying emphases on the phenomenon despite shared terminology. Among disaffiliates, the term's reception varies: some embrace OTD for its brevity, while others across subgroups decry it as stigmatizing or reductive, opting for "ex-Orthodox" or personal narratives that highlight nuanced motivations over binary "path" metaphors. Related descriptors like "at risk" precede full OTD status, signaling early deviations in youth across Orthodox spectra. Sephardic Orthodox communities, less Yiddish-centric, infrequently adopt OTD verbatim, aligning instead with general Hebrew invocations of non-observance amid their historically fluid halakhic boundaries.

Historical Development

Pre-Modern Instances of Religious Departure

Instances of departure from normative occurred sporadically in pre-modern periods, often intertwined with , theological doubt, or opportunistic motives, though they were not widespread phenomena akin to modern disaffiliation rates. In the Hellenistic era, following the Great's conquests circa 332 BCE, some Jews in and the adopted Greek customs, leading to . High priests like (circa 175 BCE), who Hellenized by introducing gymnasia and renaming himself after Greek fashion, exemplified elite-driven departure motivated by political ambition and cultural affinity. Similarly, (circa 171–161 BCE) plundered the Temple treasury to fund bribes for his high priesthood, aligning with Seleucid rulers against traditional Jewish practices. In the Roman period, (circa 10–70 CE), a Jewish of and uncle to of , publicly offered sacrifices to the Roman emperor Gaius Caligula in 39 CE, an act tantamount to from Jewish law prohibiting , driven by loyalty to Roman imperial authority rather than outright rejection of . Another notable figure, ben Avuyah (2nd century CE), a Tannaic sage, renounced after encountering philosophical contradictions during a heavenly vision, associating with non-Jewish scholars and informing against , reflecting intellectual disillusionment. These cases highlight individual rather than communal departures, often among the educated elite exposed to Hellenistic . Medieval apostasy frequently involved conversion to Christianity, with motivations ranging from voluntary conviction to coerced survival, though rabbinic sources emphasize the former as particularly egregious. In 12th-century Spain, Petrus Alfonsi (born Moses Sephardi, circa 1062–c. 1120) converted to Catholicism around 1106, authoring polemical works like Dialogus Petri et Moysi against Judaism, motivated by theological reevaluation and social elevation in Christian courts. Nicholas Donin (early 13th century), a former Talmud student, converted circa 1220s and spearheaded the 1242 Paris disputation, resulting in the burning of Talmudic texts, fueled by personal grievances against rabbinic authorities. Pablo Christiani (born Saul of Montpellier, circa 1215–1274), a Dominican friar post-conversion, debated Nachmanides in 1263 at Barcelona, promoting Christianity out of missionary zeal rooted in his Jewish scholarly background. In late medieval Iberia, Abner of Burgos (circa 1270–1348), originally a Jewish , converted around 1320 after visions interpreting Jewish suffering as divine punishment, producing anti-Jewish tracts that influenced Spanish policies. Such voluntary converts often retained Jewish knowledge to critique their former faith, exacerbating communal tensions amid rising Christian polemics and pogroms. While forced baptisms during events like the 1391 Spanish riots affected thousands, distinguishes these from willful , viewing the latter as betrayal akin to the biblical minim (heretics). The 17th-century Sabbatean movement under Shabbatai Zevi (1626–1676) represented a collective deviation from rabbinic norms, initially attracting mass adherence across Jewish communities before fracturing into heretical sects. Proclaimed in 1665, Zevi's in 1666 under Ottoman pressure prompted followers to rationalize it as mystical necessity, leading to antinomian practices like ritual sin to hasten redemption, effectively departing from halakhic observance. Groups like the in Salonika maintained crypto-Jewish identities while outwardly Muslim, embodying sustained religious hybridity and rejection of Orthodox authority. This episode, affecting an estimated one-third of world Jewry at its peak, prefigured modern secular drifts by undermining rabbinic legitimacy through messianic fervor.

Emergence as a Modern Concern (20th Century Onward)

The early marked a period of widespread disaffiliation among American Orthodox , driven by rapid , economic pressures, and exposure to secular education following mass from between 1880 and 1924, during which over 2 million arrived, with many second-generation offspring shifting toward or complete secularization. Retention rates were low, estimated around 22% for identifying Orthodox families, as practical observance often lapsed despite nominal affiliation, reflecting an "era of non-observance" where work and conflicts were common but not viewed as outright rebellion. This attrition was largely attributed to adaptive assimilation rather than ideological rejection, with Orthodox leaders focusing on institutional survival amid declining attendance and rising intermarriage. Post-World War II reconstruction elevated disaffiliation as a targeted concern, as and their descendants rebuilt insular communities through expanded yeshivas, day schools, and youth organizations like NCSY (founded in 1954) to counter suburban assimilation and countercultural influences. Retention improved dramatically, rising to approximately 67% by the late , fueled by high birth rates (averaging 4-7 children per family) and emphasis on early , transforming Orthodoxy from a perceived declining to a growing demographic. However, prosperity and mandatory secular higher education introduced tensions, with reports of youth encountering philosophical doubts and , prompting early rabbinic warnings about "internal" drift toward lax observance without formal exit. By the 1990s and early 2000s, disaffiliation crystallized as a modern crisis in both Modern Orthodox and Haredi circles, documented through empirical studies revealing attrition rates of 33-52% in the US and UK, often linked to unaddressed emotional and intellectual gaps rather than mere external pressures. Faranak Margolese's 2005 analysis, based on surveys of over 500 ex-Orthodox individuals, identified recurrent factors like rigid authority and suppressed curiosity, marking one of the first systematic examinations and spurring communal responses. In Haredi communities, the issue intensified around 2000 with internet proliferation, fostering doubt through access to secular media and leading to organized efforts like faith reinforcement programs, as leaders noted a "crisis of faith" unprecedented in prior generations. This era's visibility stemmed from stabilized communities expecting near-total retention, rendering individual departures more stark and prompting data-driven diagnostics over anecdotal lament.

Demographic Patterns

Empirical Retention and Attrition Rates

According to the Pew Research Center's 2020 survey of Jewish Americans, which sampled over 4,400 respondents including 1,225 Orthodox Jews, 67% of U.S. adults raised in Orthodox households continue to identify as Orthodox in adulthood, marking the highest retention rate among major Jewish denominations alongside . This figure reflects a substantial increase from prior generations; analyses of longitudinal trends indicate that Orthodox retention hovered around 22% three decades earlier, with improvements attributed to stronger communal institutions and higher birth rates stabilizing the population base. Among younger cohorts, retention appears even stronger: 83% of Orthodox Jews under age 30 raised in the community remain Orthodox, compared to lower rates in older age groups such as 57% for those aged 30-49. Subgroup variations show higher retention in more insular communities. and Hasidic (collectively Haredi) subgroups exhibit attrition rates below 10% in some estimates, driven by limited external exposure and intensive , though precise figures are scarce due to underreporting and community insularity. In contrast, Modern Orthodox retention is lower, with a 2017 Nishma Research survey of 4,000 Modern Orthodox Jews estimating a 9% "at-risk" rate for disaffiliation (termed "off the derech" or OTD), based on self-reported doubts in core beliefs like divine authorship of the or rejection of secular influences; this risk shows minimal gender differences but correlates with higher exposure to university education. A 2016 Nishma survey of self-identified former Orthodox individuals (n=approximately 200) found that one-third disaffiliated covertly while maintaining outward observance, suggesting official retention metrics may overestimate active adherence. In , attrition patterns differ markedly. A 2020 Israel Democracy Institute analysis of census data for ages 20-64 reported a 13.3% disaffiliation rate from ultra-Orthodox (Haredi) communities, with leavers often relocating to secular areas while retaining some religious practices; this rate has risen with increased military exemptions and pressures. The Orthodox Union's 2025 Center for Communal Research study, drawing on surveys of over 1,000 respondents, emphasizes that even among attriters, 70-80% maintain familial and communal ties post-disaffiliation, complicating binary retention metrics and highlighting "soft" attrition where individuals reduce observance without full exit. These findings underscore methodological challenges, including reliance on self-identification and potential undercounting in closed communities, but affirm Orthodox Judaism's relatively robust retention compared to other religious groups facing .

Variations by Subgroup and Geography

Retention rates among Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) subgroups, including Hasidic and communities, consistently surpass those of Modern Orthodox Jews in the United States, with empirical data showing 83% retention among Orthodox Jews under age 30 overall, driven primarily by Haredi insularity and high birth rates that offset minor attrition. Haredi retention benefits from limited exposure to and media, fostering intergenerational continuity estimated at over 90% in some cohorts, compared to Modern Orthodox rates where secular university attendance correlates with higher disaffiliation s. A 2017 survey of Modern Orthodox communities identified a 9% of going off the derech, with no significant gender disparity but elevated concerns in families emphasizing professional careers over study. Ethnic variations within Orthodox subgroups reveal disparities, particularly in Israel, where Sephardi Haredim constitute 57% of ultra-Orthodox leavers despite comprising only 33% of the population, attributable to socioeconomic pressures and less rigid communal enforcement compared to Ashkenazi Haredi groups. Ashkenazi Orthodox communities, predominant in the U.S. diaspora, exhibit lower attrition through established networks in cities like New York, where cultural cohesion sustains retention above 70% for younger generations, though overall U.S. Orthodox disaffiliation ranges from 33% to 52% across age groups. Geographically, Israeli Haredi retention remains the highest globally, with rates stable or slightly rising since the due to national military exemptions, state subsidies, and a homogeneous religious environment that minimizes external secular pulls, contrasting with U.S. patterns where and diverse neighborhoods erode observance in 17-43% of cohorts depending on age. In the U.K. and , smaller Orthodox enclaves mirror U.S. trends with attrition around 40%, exacerbated by assimilation pressures post-Holocaust, while Israel's ultra-Orthodox population growth—projected to double every 18-20 years—reflects retention fortified by and rates averaging 6.6 children per woman. Recent Israeli data indicate growing Haredi exits but with many retaining some , underscoring adaptive disaffiliation rather than total .

Causal Factors

Intellectual and Philosophical Doubts

Intellectual doubts frequently cited by disaffiliates center on the perceived lack of empirical support for core Orthodox claims, particularly the divine origin and historical veracity of the . A 2023 empirical study surveying disaffiliated Orthodox Jews identified lack of belief in the and as the most commonly reported cause of disaffiliation, with initial triggers often involving similar skepticism toward foundational texts and doctrines. This reflects a broader pattern where individuals question the Sinai revelation's uniqueness and the inerrancy of biblical accounts, viewing them as incompatible with archaeological evidence and rational analysis. Philosophical challenges compound these issues, including —the reconciliation of an omnipotent, benevolent deity with pervasive suffering, such as the Holocaust's scale, which undermines assertions of . Regression analyses from psychological research on disaffiliation predictors highlight intellectual doubts about as a statistically significant factor, alongside perceptions of doctrinal rigidity. Such doubts often emerge during exposure to or resources, prompting reevaluation of miracles, , and halakhic authority as anthropocentric constructs rather than transcendent truths. Conflicts with represent another recurrent theme, where literal interpretations of Genesis clash with and cosmology, leading to . For instance, the Torah's timeline implying a 5,785-year-old (as of 2025) contrasts sharply with geological and astronomical estimating billions of years, eroding confidence in scriptural literalism. Studies note these tensions as integral to the "perceived lack of truth" in Orthodox tenets, distinguishing intellectual disaffiliation from purely social drivers. While some rabbinic attempt —positing non-literal readings or compartmentalization—disaffiliates often find such resolutions unpersuasive, favoring first-principles scrutiny over traditional deference. Empirical data underscores that these doubts are not merely epiphenomenal but causal antecedents for a subset of cases, with surveys indicating they precede behavioral lapses in observance. Faranak Margolese's investigation, drawing from interviews with over 100 ex-Orthodox individuals, layered intellectual questioning atop emotional precursors but affirmed its role in sustaining , as unresolved queries foster existential alienation. Community perspectives sometimes downplay these factors, attributing disaffiliation to external influences, yet quantitative findings affirm their independent predictive power.

Social, Familial, and Community Dynamics

in Orthodox Jewish communities, particularly ultra-Orthodox ones, feature high levels of collective surveillance and enforcement, which can intensify personal alienation for individuals harboring doubts about religious tenets. Insular social structures limit exposure to diverse viewpoints, yet internal mechanisms like and informal sanctions against perceived deviance create environments where questioning is stigmatized, potentially driving disaffected members toward exit as a means of reclaiming autonomy. Familial environments often prioritize religious continuity through hierarchical authority, arranged marriages, and expectations of unquestioning observance, fostering tensions when offspring encounter or personal aspirations conflicting with these norms. Large family sizes and emphasis on communal over individual needs may leave some feeling emotionally overlooked or pressured into roles misaligned with their inclinations, with qualitative reports from disaffiliates citing rigid and lack of on doubts as contributing strains. While solidarity provides resilience for many, disruptions such as observed hypocrisy within households or unaddressed interpersonal conflicts correlate with heightened attrition risk in empirical observations of trajectories. Community-level pressures manifest through institutionalized social controls, including (known as herem in extreme cases) and exclusion from communal resources, designed to deter deviation but often backfiring by amplifying isolation for those already questioning. Studies of disaffiliates reveal pre-exit experiences of suffocation under pervasive oversight, where deviations in dress, behavior, or associations trigger peer rejection, eroding social bonds and prompting full disengagement. In Haredi settings, where community defines identity and welfare networks, such dynamics create a high-stakes that, per qualitative analyses, propels exits among youth perceiving inconsistencies between preached ideals and observed practices, such as leadership scandals or unequal treatment. These factors operate alongside psychological elements, though self-reported data from exiters may reflect selection biases toward more conflicted cases.

External Secular and Cultural Pressures

External secular and cultural pressures on Orthodox Jewish communities, particularly among Haredi (ultra-Orthodox) subgroups, primarily arise from exposure to modern technology, media, and broader societal norms that promote individualism, , and alternative lifestyles incompatible with strict halachic observance. The , despite communal bans and filters, serves as a primary vector for such influences, enabling access to unfiltered information on scientific theories conflicting with traditional narratives, explicit content challenging standards, and testimonials from disaffiliated individuals that normalize departure from . A 2024 survey of Haredi rabbis in found that 74% viewed secular usage as damaging to a "very great extent," with 17% assessing it as a "great extent," highlighting rabbinic recognition of its erosive impact on youth retention. Similarly, qualitative studies of ex-Haredi individuals report initial exposure precipitating doubts about doctrinal claims, often accelerating disaffiliation by connecting users to global secular networks and escapist content that contrasts sharply with insular community life. Secular education systems and mandatory interactions outside closed communities further amplify these pressures, especially in Israel where limited secular curricula in Haredi schools leave youth unprepared for or curious about external knowledge domains like evolutionary biology or historical criticism of religious texts. When Haredi individuals encounter secular universities, military service, or workplaces—often due to economic necessity—they confront empirical data and philosophical frameworks that prioritize evidence over revelation, fostering cognitive dissonance. Research on disaffiliation trajectories indicates that such "pull factors" toward secularism, including promises of personal autonomy and career advancement, interact with internal doubts to drive exits, with former members citing the allure of unrestricted social relationships and cultural participation as key motivators. In modern Orthodox settings, where secular schooling is more integrated, attrition risks remain elevated at around 9%, underscoring how graduated exposure to pluralistic environments erodes exclusive commitment to orthodoxy without fully insulating against broader cultural relativism. Wider cultural dynamics, including media portrayals of secular success and , exert a gravitational pull by framing Orthodox insularity as oppressive or outdated, particularly amid rising in host societies. Disaffiliated Orthodox Jews often describe being "pulled" toward secular life by its emphasis on and rejection of communal authority, as opposed to mere repulsion from internal failings, with studies quantifying this through self-reported experiences of intellectual and social liberation post-exit. In , where Haredi youth comprise a growing demographic, external cultural manifests in defiance of elders via adoption of supremacist or secular ideologies imported from non-Haredi media, exacerbating tensions with the state's Zionist-secular . These pressures are not uniformly deterministic—many exposed individuals retain —but empirical patterns show higher disaffiliation rates correlating with proximity to secular hubs, as measured in longitudinal surveys of retention.

Orthodox Community Responses

Diagnostic Views on Disaffiliation Causes

Within Orthodox circles, diagnostic perspectives on disaffiliation frequently attribute the phenomenon to shortcomings in familial and educational environments rather than doctrinal inadequacies. Rabbinic analysts emphasize that unresolved emotional pain or trauma linked to religious observance can overshadow intellectual convictions, prompting individuals to prioritize avoidance of distress over continued practice. For instance, observers note that negative associations with —arising from personal hardships within observant settings—often eclipse any underlying belief in principles, as human behavior is predominantly motivated by emotional experiences rather than abstract alone. Rabbi YY Jacobson identifies specific triggers including skepticism toward core religious tenets, flawed pedagogical approaches in yeshiva education that fail to inspire, and inadvertent transmission of misleading messages to youth about faith's demands. He further points to external secular exposures, such as enrollment in non-religious universities or compulsory service in the Israeli Defense Forces, which can erode commitment even among those with strong foundational upbringing. These factors, Jacobson argues, compound when internal community transmission of lacks vibrancy, leading to a perceived irrelevance of observance. Conference discussions among rabbinic bodies underscore vulnerabilities in as key precipitants. Rabbi Yitzchok Glick, addressing the in January 2020, explained that with undiagnosed learning disabilities often spiral into disaffiliation due to cumulative frustrations in academic and domestic spheres, where unmet needs foster alienation from religious life. He also highlighted unregulated access to the and as a pervasive modern vector, introducing temptations and ideologies that undermine parental guidance and values without sufficient safeguards. Broader Orthodox commentary, including from Agudath leadership, critiques an overemphasis on rote knowledge at the expense of embodying its ethical imperatives, which can leave youth ill-equipped to navigate personal crises or societal pressures. This diagnostic lens prioritizes remedial interventions in chinuch () and parental involvement, viewing disaffiliation as a symptom of relational deficits rather than inevitable assimilation.

Prevention and Re-engagement Strategies

Orthodox communities have developed various prevention strategies aimed at retaining adherence among youth, focusing on individualized and open discourse. Rabbi Shalom Hammer advocates tailoring religious instruction to each child's abilities and inclinations, in line with the principle of chinuch l'naar al pi darko, to prevent disengagement from rote or mismatched learning environments. Enhancing family communication, such as dedicating to discussing members' interests and viewpoints, fosters a sense of value and reduces isolation that may lead to attrition. Integrating Jewish philosophical thought (machshevet Yisroel) into curricula from an early age addresses intellectual doubts proactively, rather than deferring them to adulthood when skepticism may solidify. Community-level efforts emphasize creating enjoyable and inclusive religious experiences to counteract perceptions of drudgery. Introducing dynamic formats, such as Carlebach-style minyanim or Sephardic unison davening, aims to instill purpose and engagement among youth. Broader recommendations include reforming to prioritize clear goals and personal relevance, providing positive , and minimizing judgmental attitudes that alienate questioners. The Orthodox Union's 2025 study highlights early identification of questioning—often predating high school—and supporting families with religious dissonances, such as those involving ba'alei teshuva or converts, as key to averting full disaffiliation. Re-engagement initiatives target individuals who have disaffiliated, seeking to rebuild connections through inclusion and targeted support. Maintaining familial and communal ties post-departure is emphasized, with the OU study noting that many who leave retain some affiliation, facilitating potential returns via tolerant shul and school environments. Programs like Makom rehabilitate disenfranchised Haredi Jews by reframing their experiences and re-educating them for reintegration into broader Orthodoxy, addressing past traumas without immediate demands for full observance. Rabbi Hammer stresses embracing returnees with hope and non-confrontational dialogue to restore relationships, avoiding alienation through judgment. Adapted ba'al teshuva extends to former off-the-derech individuals, leveraging kiruv organizations to provide structured learning and mentorship. Positive interactions with rabbis and leaders are recommended to counter prior negative encounters that contributed to departure. Efforts also include tackling underlying issues like abuse or dysfunction in origin communities to enable sustainable re-commitment, though success rates remain anecdotal due to limited empirical tracking.

Post-Disaffiliation Realities

Psychological and Emotional Outcomes

Individuals disaffiliating from ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities often experience elevated rates of psychological distress, including depression and (PTSD). A 2023 study of 458 ex-ultra-Orthodox found that 50% met criteria for PTSD, with mean scores indicating moderate to severe depression and significant , attributed in part to prior community-based traumas and abrupt . Similarly, a 2025 analysis reported that 34.8% of former ultra-Orthodox individuals (ex-ULTOIs) experienced sexual trauma, correlating with heightened emotional distress, including doubled risks for depression, anxiety, PTSD symptoms, and compared to non-traumatized peers. Emotional outcomes frequently involve identity fragmentation and over lost familial ties, exacerbating feelings of alienation. Research on disaffiliation trajectories highlights prolonged identity reconstruction, with many reporting chronic and erosion due to familial and internalized guilt from covenantal upbringing norms. A 2020 investigation linked disaffiliation to initial spikes in anxiety and demoralization, though some participants achieved partial wellness through secular therapy; however, persistent emotional pain was common without robust external support networks. Suicide risk emerges as a acute concern, with studies documenting ideation rates far exceeding general norms among ex-ULTOIs. The 2023 cohort exhibited suicidal thoughts in over 40% of cases, often tied to unresolved community-induced traumas like or enforced , underscoring the causal role of severed social bonds in amplifying vulnerability. While aids escapist for some, it rarely mitigates underlying distress without professional intervention, as evidenced by patterns of problem-focused versus avoidant strategies post-exit. Longitudinal data suggest that lacking immediate post-disaffiliation support correlates with sustained anxiety and depressive episodes, contrasting with rarer instances of adaptive resilience among those securing alternative communities.

Socioeconomic and Relational Challenges

Individuals disaffiliating from ultra-Orthodox communities often encounter socioeconomic hurdles stemming from limited received during their formative years, which prioritizes over vocational or academic skills. This educational gap frequently results in initial employment in temporary or low-skilled positions, such as manual labor, alongside housing instability including or . Among former Haredi men, 58% work in low-skilled professions, compared to 33% of current Haredim. Financial dissatisfaction is markedly higher post-disaffiliation, with only 54% of former Haredim reporting satisfaction with their financial situation, versus 73% among those remaining in the community. Young former Haredim aged 20-29 exhibit a 12% lower capacity to cover monthly expenses relative to non-Haredi peers, exacerbating risks of during the transition period. To mitigate these barriers, many pursue higher education; in one study of 16 interviewees, 14 enrolled in tertiary programs to enhance , aligning with Israel's overall 50.1% tertiary degree attainment rate. Relationally, disaffiliators commonly face initial family , though complete disconnection occurs in only about 10% of cases, with many eventually reconnecting. Satisfaction with family relationships remains relatively high among unmarried former Haredim at 49% and 61% for married ones, indicating sustained ties despite tensions. However, marital discord frequently arises from mismatched religious commitments, leading to and contentious custody battles where communities fund opposition to the disaffiliating parent, as seen in cases where mothers lost custody of multiple children. The resultant loss of communal support networks can intensify isolation, prompting reliance on specialized organizations for social reintegration.

Organizations and Initiatives

Support for Disaffiliated Individuals

Footsteps, established in 2003 by Malkie Schwartz after her own departure from a Lubavitch community, serves as the primary North American organization aiding individuals transitioning from . It delivers educational support, including GED attainment and college preparation; vocational guidance for career development; social programming such as peer-led groups and workshops; and individualized counseling to address isolation, family estrangement, and adjustment challenges. By 2024, Footsteps had assisted nearly 2,500 people directly, building a broader network exceeding 5,000 former ultra-Orthodox individuals. In 2017, Footsteps partnered with Moishe House to launch housing and community programs tailored for millennial ex-Orthodox Jews, providing shared living spaces and events to combat loneliness during reintegration into secular society. Community-initiated efforts, such as the Belzer Hasidic sect's "Ahavat Kodmim" founded in May 2023, offer an alternative model by prioritizing family preservation over religious re-engagement. Prompted by the suicide of a 23-year-old former Belzer member amid severe ostracism, the program extends emotional and practical aid to disaffiliates while encouraging ongoing ties to relatives and the sect, without proselytizing observance. Project Extreme targets off-the-derech and at-risk Jewish teens and young adults through short- and long-term interventions, including therapeutic wilderness camps, mentorship, and skill-building programs aimed at promoting self-reliance and averting deeper crises like or . Peer-driven networks, including local chapters via OffTheDerech.org, facilitate informal support through meetups, online forums, and resource sharing for navigating legal, financial, and psychological hurdles post-disaffiliation. These initiatives often fill gaps in formal services, particularly for those lacking immediate family support or facing stigma in broader Jewish communities.

Community-Led Retention Programs

Community-led retention programs within Orthodox Jewish communities primarily target at-risk exhibiting early signs of disaffiliation, such as behavioral issues, academic struggles, or exposure to secular influences, through mentoring, counseling, and alternative educational frameworks designed to reinforce religious observance and communal ties. These initiatives emphasize internal community resources like rabbinic guidance and peer support networks, aiming to address root causes including familial dysfunction, inadequate schooling, and without relying on external secular interventions. For instance, in the United States, programs focus on early intervention to foster resilience and halachic commitment, with reported efforts reaching hundreds of annually through personalized . Areivim, a U.S.-based organization dedicated to Jewish youth , exemplifies such efforts by providing expert mentoring and support services tailored to Orthodox adolescents facing emotional, behavioral, or spiritual challenges. Established to counteract the rising incidence of youth crises in communities, Areivim deploys trained mentors who engage troubled teens in one-on-one sessions, family counseling, and skill-building workshops to promote healthy development and sustained religious practice. The program reports intervening in cases involving , issues, and rebellion against communal norms, with a goal of reintegrating participants into or environments; data from similar initiatives indicate retention rates improving through consistent follow-up, though long-term empirical outcomes remain understudied. In , where Haredi populations face heightened pressures from military service exemptions and economic strains, community-led programs have proliferated since the early to support troubled ultra-Orthodox youth. The Timora organization, founded around 2000, operates residential and therapeutic alternatives for high-risk religious teens, offering vocational training, psychological support, and in a structured environment to avert full disaffiliation. Similarly, initiatives like Waves of Hope provide extracurricular activities such as classes to over 1,500 at-risk Haredi and religious youth annually, led by community figures who model ba'al teshuva success to build and communal bonds. These programs, often funded through private donors and rabbinic endorsements, prioritize to avoid alienating participants from their heritage, with from organizers suggesting reduced dropout rates in participating cohorts. Additional U.S. examples include Priority One, a Long Island-based group specializing in to at-risk Orthodox through counseling and recreational programs, which has conducted surveys revealing common triggers like and unmet emotional needs. In Haredi enclaves, informal networks coordinated by rebbes, such as the Belzer Rebbe's 2023 directive for supportive frameworks for wavering members, extend retention efforts by facilitating job placement and housing to ease transitions while encouraging observance, though these stop short of coercive measures. Critics within the community argue that such programs sometimes overlook systemic educational deficiencies, yet proponents cite their role in stabilizing families and curbing attrition estimated at 5-10% in urban Orthodox cohorts. Overall, these initiatives reflect a pragmatic response to disaffiliation risks, blending with to preserve communal continuity.

Debates and Controversies

Disputes Over Attrition Scale and Narratives

Estimates of attrition from vary significantly, reflecting differences in survey methodologies, definitions of "Orthodox" observance, and demographic focus. A 2013 Nishma Research survey found that fewer than 50% of individuals raised in Orthodox homes remained Orthodox as adults, with over 20% disaffiliating from entirely. In contrast, data from the same period indicated an 83% retention rate among Orthodox Jews under age 30, suggesting higher stability among younger cohorts due to community insularity and birth rates. These discrepancies arise partly from whether "attrition" includes shifts to non-Orthodox Jewish denominations (e.g., Conservative) or only full disaffiliation from , with Orthodox advocates arguing the former inflates perceived losses. More recent analyses challenge earlier high-attrition claims, particularly for Modern Orthodox communities. A 2017 survey by Nishma Research identified only 9% of Modern Orthodox respondents as at high risk of going "off the derech," with no gender disparity. Reexaminations of longitudinal data, such as a 2024 review, report American Orthodox retention rising from 22% to 67% over three decades, attributing improvements to enhanced and outreach. Critics of pessimistic estimates contend that self-reported surveys suffer from , as disaffiliated individuals are less likely to participate, while Orthodox institutions like the emphasize empirical tracking showing net community growth via high fertility outweighing losses. Narratives surrounding disaffiliation often amplify individual trauma stories, portraying Orthodox life as uniformly repressive, which disputes of diverse causal factors. Memoirs and media depictions, such as those critiqued in analyses of "ex-Orthodox" , focus on ultra-Orthodox enclaves' insularity and allegations, yet studies indicate most disaffiliations stem from intellectual doubts, social exposure, or personal rebellions rather than systemic alone. Orthodox commentators argue these accounts exaggerate rarity—e.g., claiming 40% Modern Orthodox dropout rates without accounting for internal migrations to stricter observance—serving secular audiences' rather than reflecting aggregate data where retention exceeds 80% in insulated groups. Such portrayals, while highlighting real cases, risk overstating scale to critique tradition, ignoring counter-evidence from peer-reviewed research on varied post-disaffiliation wellness and community adaptations.

Critiques of Victimhood and Systemic Blame

Critics of the victimhood narrative in off-the-derech (OTD) disaffiliations argue that it disproportionately attributes departures to systemic or institutional failures within Orthodox communities, while downplaying evidence of the communities' overall efficacy in retaining members. Ultra-Orthodox populations, in particular, demonstrate retention rates exceeding 90 percent among offspring, suggesting that the communal framework successfully instills values and behaviors for the vast majority, rather than functioning as a uniformly abusive environment that drives mass exodus. This high retention undermines claims of inherent systemic toxicity, as causal factors for the minority who leave more often involve individual vulnerabilities or external influences than pervasive structural defects. Proponents of emphasizing personal agency contend that disaffiliation frequently reflects deliberate choices rooted in doubts, exposure to secular ideas, or personal rebellions, rather than inescapable victimhood. Surveys of former Orthodox Jews indicate that approximately 68 percent cite conflicts—such as discrepancies between religious teachings and observed or loss of faith—as primary triggers, prioritizing over allegations of communal coercion. Orthodox commentators further assert that framing leavers primarily as victims erodes accountability, portraying decisions to pursue alternative lifestyles as involuntary reactions rather than exercises of , which can hinder post-disaffiliation adaptation by fostering prolonged resentment. While acknowledging isolated cases of or , critiques highlight that such incidents do not represent the norm and that overgeneralizing them to indict entire systems ignores multifactorial etiologies, including familial dynamics, peer pressures, and pre-existing challenges among disaffiliates. Organizations like Footsteps, which assist transitions out of ultra-Orthodox life, have supported only around 100 individuals over more than a decade, indicating that widespread systemic blame does not align with the scale of departures. Rabbinic responses often redirect focus to bolstering and boundaries against external temptations, such as indistinct moral lines in modern society, rather than conceding to narratives that absolve individuals of responsibility for their trajectories. Media portrayals amplifying OTD memoirs as emblematic of communal pathology draw scrutiny for , favoring sensational accounts while neglecting high-functioning retention or returnees, potentially influenced by broader institutional tendencies to critique traditional structures. This perspective aligns with causal analyses prioritizing individual predispositions—such as emotional instability or curiosity-driven exploration—over monolithic institutional culpability, as evidenced in qualitative studies of exit triggers.

Cultural and Media Depictions

Literature and Memoirs

Memoirs chronicling experiences of disaffiliation from , particularly ultra-Orthodox or Haredi communities, proliferated in the early , offering firsthand accounts of intellectual, emotional, and social ruptures. These works often detail the authors' upbringings in insular environments characterized by limited , arranged marriages, and strict adherence to religious norms, culminating in decisions to leave amid personal crises. Scholarly observers note that such narratives gained traction amid growing awareness of attrition rates, estimated at 10-25% in some Haredi sects based on community surveys, though exact figures remain contested due to underreporting. Shulem Deen's 2015 memoir All Who Go Do Not Return recounts his departure from the Skverer Hasidic community in , where he was raised without formal secular schooling and entered an at age 18. Deen describes gradual erosion of faith through clandestine exposure to non-religious media and ideas, leading to marital breakdown, loss of custody of his five children, and homelessness before rebuilding in secular society. The book, which received the 2015 National Jewish Book Award for , highlights themes of in a world prioritizing ritual over inquiry. Deborah Feldman's Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots (2012) details her exit from the Hasidic sect in Brooklyn's Williamsburg, where she was raised by her grandmother after her mother's abandonment, amid expectations of early and prolific childbearing. Married at 17 to a man selected by a matchmaker, Feldman depicts suppressed —fueled by secret reading of secular literature—and as catalysts for fleeing to with her infant son in 2009, severing ties with her family. Adapted into a 2020 Netflix miniseries, the memoir underscores gender-specific constraints, including limited autonomy in reproductive and educational decisions. Other notable contributions include Faranak Margolese's Off the Derech: How I Lost My Religion and Found Myself (2005), which traces an Iranian-Jewish immigrant's rejection of modern Orthodox observance in Canada due to doctrinal inconsistencies and cultural alienation, and Elissa Altman's Treyf: My Life in Rebels, Rabbis, and Matzo Balls (2006), exploring a upbringing blending Orthodox traditions with familial nonconformity leading to eventual secular identity. Anthologies like Off the Derech: Leaving (2020), edited by Ezra Cappell and Jessica Lang, compile personal essays alongside academic essays, examining identity reconstruction and the psychological toll of familial estrangement, with contributors reporting common post-exit struggles such as unemployment rates exceeding 50% in the first year due to skill gaps. Recurring motifs across these works involve the clash between communal conformity and individual agency, including curtailed access to science and history—often limited to religious interpretations—and enforcement of endogamy, which memoirs portray as fostering isolation from broader society. Critics within Orthodox circles, such as in Yeshiva University publications, argue that the genre's popularity stems partly from sensational depictions of deviance, potentially exaggerating pathologies while underrepresenting leavers who maintain partial observance or cite voluntary ideological shifts over trauma. Empirical analyses in these texts and companion studies reveal varied trajectories, with some authors achieving professional success post-disaffiliation, though many face elevated risks of mental health issues, including depression rates two to three times higher than in intact communities per self-reported data.

Film, Television, and Online Narratives

The miniseries Unorthodox (2020), adapted from Deborah Feldman's memoir Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots, portrays Esty , a young woman from Brooklyn's Hasidic community, fleeing an and the constraints of her ultra-Orthodox upbringing to seek independence in . The four-episode series, directed by , emphasizes themes of personal liberation amid familial pursuit and cultural dislocation, though it has drawn criticism from some Orthodox observers for inaccuracies in depicting Hasidic customs and sensationalizing community dynamics. The documentary One of Us (2017), directed by Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grad, follows three former Hasidic Jews from New York—Luzer Twersky, Ari Hershkowitz, and Etty Markus—as they navigate ostracism, custody battles, and emotional trauma after disaffiliating from their ultra-Orthodox communities. Released on Netflix, the film highlights institutional barriers like the get (Jewish divorce document) and community shunning, based on interviews and archival footage, but relies on individual testimonies without broader empirical validation of prevalence. Other documentaries include Leaving the Fold (2021), which tracks five young ex-ultra-Orthodox individuals' transitions out of insular Jewish worlds, focusing on psychological and social hurdles through personal interviews. The reality series My Unorthodox Life (2021–present) features Julia Haart, a former ultra-Orthodox designer who left her Monsey, New York, community in 2012, showcasing her family's adjustment to secular fashion and business pursuits while addressing ongoing tensions with religious relatives. Online narratives proliferate through dedicated platforms and , where disaffiliated individuals share firsthand accounts of leaving . The website OffTheDerech.org hosts personal stories, such as that of Shana, a former mother of five in her forties who disaffiliated around 2015 and pursued writing and teaching, detailing emotional isolation and relational strains post-exit. channels like "Off The Derech," active as of 2023, compile videos and documentaries on ultra-Orthodox departures, emphasizing challenges like gaps and severance, often drawing from anonymous or pseudonymous contributors. Podcasts and forums further amplify these accounts; for instance, a 2024 miniseries by the , hosted by ex-Hasidim, explores motivations for "going off the derech" via interviews, attributing exits to factors like limited secular exposure and internal community pressures. Such digital content, while providing raw perspectives, frequently consists of unverified anecdotes, contrasting with peer-reviewed studies on attrition and potentially amplifying outlier experiences of abuse or coercion over mundane disaffiliations driven by doctrinal doubts.

References

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